Junie B. Jones and Her Big Fat Mouth Read Free Page A

smile.
    And Mother said the word
ho boy
.

6 / Tingling
    I couldn’t sleep for the whole weekend. That’s because I had tingling excitement in me about Job Day. And my brain wouldn’t settle down.
    And so on Monday, I zoomed to the bus stop very fast.
    “Look, Mr. Woo!” I said to my bus driver. “Look what I’m wearing today!”
    Then I opened my jacket and I showed him my job clothes.
    “See? It’s nice pants. And dangling keys. And a paintbrush,” I said. “Except for I can’ttell you what I am, ’cause it’s my special secret.”
    Then I plopped down in my seat. And me and Mr. Woo drove to the next corner.
    That’s where my bestest friend Grace got on.
    She was wearing Mickey Mouse ears and a dress with red and white polka dotties on it!
    “Grace!” I said very smiling. “You look very beautiful in that dotty thing.”
    “I know it,” she said. “That’s because I changed my mind about who I’m going to be when I grow up. Now I’m going to be Minnie instead of Mickey.”
    Then I stopped smiling. And my stomach felt very sickish inside again.
    ’Cause that meant Minnie Mouse was a fake too.

    “Disneyland is a fib,” I said.
    After that, the bus stopped again. And William got on.
    He was wearing a Superman outfit. Except he had a W on the front of him. And not the letter S.
    “The W stands for William,” he said to Mr. Woo.

    “Does that mean you can fly?” asked Mr. Woo.
    Then William grinned very big. And he held out his arms. And he jumped way high in the air.
    Except for he didn’t fly.
    And so he just sat down.
    After that, other kids got on the bus, too.
    And Roger had on keys just like me. And also plastic handcuffs.
    And Charlotte was wearing a red paint apron with some watercolors in the pocket.
    And that mean Jim was wearing a white bathrobe.
    “Hey! I’ve got a bathrobe just like that, Jim!” I said very friendly.
    “It’s not a bathrobe, dummy,” he said. “I’m a kung fu karate guy.”
    “Jim is a kung fu karate guy,” I said to Grace. “Except for he just got out of the bathtub.”
    Then me and her laughed and laughed. ’Cause that was a funny joke, of course.
    And Job Day was going to be the funnest day in the whole wide world!

7 / Jobs and Jobs
    When I got off the bus, I zoomed to Room Nine. That’s because I wanted Job Day to start very quick.
    Only first we had to take attendance.
    And then we had to say
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands
.
    Except I don’t know what that dumb story is even talking about.
    Then finally Mrs. clapped her loud hands together.
    And guess what? Job Day started, that’s what!
    “Boys and girls, you all look wonderful in your outfits!” Mrs. said. “I can’t wait to learn what all of you want to be when you grow up! Who would like to go first?”
    “I WOULD! I WOULD!” I yelled out.
    Only then my bestest friend Lucille raised her hand very polite. And she got to go first.
    Lucille looked the most beautifulest I’ve ever seen her.
    She was wearing a new dress that her nanna bought for her. It was the color of pink velvet.
    Also she had on shiny pink shoes. And socks with bows and lace on them.
    Lucille’s nanna is loaded, I think.
    Lucille went to the front of the room. She reached into a little bag and pulled out a sparkling crown with jewels on it!

    Then all of Room Nine said, “Oooooh.”
    Except for not the boys.
    “When I grow up, I’m going to marry a prince,” she said. “And I’ll be a princess. And my name will be Princess Lucille.”
    Then she put the sparkling crown on her head. And she looked like a fairy tale guy.
    Mrs. smiled. “That’s a lovely thought, Lucille,” she said.
    “I know,” said Lucille. “My nanna says if you marry a prince, you’re set for life.”
    After that, Lucille said her dress costed eighty-five. And her shoes costed forty-five. And her lacy socks costed six fifty plus tax.
    Then Mrs. told Lucille to sit