Joe Bruzzese Read Free Page A

point in their lives? The answer lies in their growing need to develop a unique sense of self. It’s natural for adolescents to want to stake a sole claim to some part of their lives. So they typically view a parent’s questions and comments about their lives as intrusive. They’ll commonly answer with a short “That’s my business” or “Why are you so nosy?” and then retreat behind the bedroom door.
Revisiting the birds and bees
    As if it weren’t challenging enough having to stake a claim to a particular peer group, many middle schoolers experience the pangs of romance for the first time. We called them crushes, and kids still use the term to describe feelings that range from “I would like to be more than friends” to infatuation. Crushes typically precede a move toward a full-fledged boyfriend or girlfriend relationship, but the awkward nature of expressing one’s romantic intentions often brings any potential for a relationship to a halt before it can evolve into anything more lasting than a crush. Occasionally you may overhear your child use the phrase
hooking up
in reference to a recent sexual rendezvous between two classmates. When crushes move beyond the virtual connections of cell phone calls and online messaging to a sexual encounter, then the romance has moved to the hookup phase. Exploring intimate relationships rarely leads to physical contact beyond the occasional kiss, but the media’s recent attempts to sensationalize sex during the middle school years may have you believing otherwise.
    Although viewing any of the prominent daytime talk shows could leave you worried about the prevalence of sexual behavior among today’s middle schoolers, the statistics tell a different story.Recent research from United States Department of Health and Human Services does confirm the existence of sexual activity during the middle school years, but at nowhere near the epidemic levels that media outlets would have you believe. Although research indicates that some middle schoolers do engage in sexual intercourse and oral sex, the numbers are low in comparison to those in high school. This knowledge won’t relieve the anxiety that comes from imagining yourself suddenly a middle-aged grandparent, but it does give you a wonderful opportunity to sit down and revisit the birds and bees conversation with your child.
    The parents I speak to rarely express delight in talking with their children about sex, yet they are willing to put their own discomfort aside when considering the potential alternative—teenage pregnancy. Beginning a discussion about the consequences of becoming sexually active can be difficult, bordering on impossible, for the reluctant parent. Ease into the conversation by planning for some alone time with your child. A trip to the park, movie theater, or other public venue gives you an opportunity to share some meaningful time together. Refrain from having
the
conversation while driving in a car. The lack of face-to-face contact may be easier for you, but your child won’t get to see your reaction to her questions, comments, and concerns, any of which might cause you to suddenly veer off course, causing a massive pile-up. Save yourself from potential injury; find a quiet place where you can give the conversation your complete attention.
    It’s hard enough starting a conversation about everyday issues; talking about a topic that’s implicitly uncomfortable ups the ante. But your discomfort is an indicator of just how important this topic is. So be honest and jump in with both feet. Even an opener like “I want to talk about relationships” or “Is there anything you want to ask me about sex?” doesn’t really get to the heart of what you really want to talk about. Opt instead for a straightforward statement that shares both your intent and concern; something like, “I know kids your age are having sex, and I want to make