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door swung open. Nate stepped onto the porch and flicked the light on, his worried eyes searching for me in the hazy darkness stretching beyond his front steps. From where I stood he looked entirely lit up, his golden brown hair and fair skin glowing under the small circle of light.
    â€œMina! What’s going on?”
    I hurried up to the porch and grabbed his hand, pulling him down with me as I slumped onto the steps. He settled beside me, and I wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in his warm, familiar chest.
    â€œI just . . .” I started, my voice faltering. I could feel the tears spilling out, soaking into his T-shirt. “I just had a long night at work.”
    â€œMeen,” he said, pulling back to face me. “You’re crying. What happened?”
    For one crazy irrational second I wanted to tell him. Iris’s name almost rolled off my lips. But I bit down and shook my head. Nate was too logical for this, too sure about the world around him—a world that could never include someone like Iris. She would just be a demented old lady to him, nothing more, and I would be demented, too, for letting her get to me. It was easier—safer—to say nothing. “The last day of junior year,” I said, seizing whatever excuse I could think of fast enough. “I was lonely at work tonight, and it just made me think about this time next year. Everything will be so different.”
    â€œOh, Mina,” he said, his concerned frown lifting into a big little-boy smile, the same smile that still made my cheeks flush and my heart race after nearly two years of being together. Nate’s face was strong and angled, “classically handsome,” as my mom had always said. But his smile was goofy; it didn’t quite match up with the rest of him. His smile made him softer. It made him mine. “Everything will
not
be so different. You’ll have Izzy and Hannah no matter what. And you’ll have me. Always. You and me, we’re not meant to be in Green Hill forever.” He squeezed me tighter and rested his chin on top of my head. “This is just the beginning, so no more tears.”
    I squeezed my eyes shut and nodded against him. I
was
being ridiculous.
    My life was on track. I was going places.
    We
were going places.
    And no strange old lady would have the power to change that.
    â€¢Â â€¢Â â€¢
    That night I dreamed in bursts of light and explosions of colors like magical fireworks that would put even Disneyworld’s most spectacular displays to complete shame. And when I woke up the next morning, Iris somehow felt like more of a dream than those colors, those brilliant colors that I could still see every time I closed my eyes.

the first trimester

chapter one
    â€œMina, wake up,” Nate called out, splashing me from the edge of his round, stone-lined pool. “You look like you’re burning, and I have to head out soon for DC, anyway. I’m meeting the rest of the debate team at the high school in an hour.”
    The cool water dripped down my hot, sticky arms, pulling me out of the hazy almost sleep I’d been slipping into. I peered up at him from behind my dark sunglasses. My eyelids felt so heavy, though, too heavy to hold up as the blazing August sun beat down on me.
    â€œCan’t I just lie here a little longer?” I asked, my eyes already closed again as I let my tube drift farther away from him. “You can go finish getting ready and come to get me when you have to leave.”
    â€œAre you okay, Mina? Seriously, it seems like you’re tired all the time lately. Maybe you should see a doctor or something.”
    The massive, cloying knot that had been building in my stomach for the past few weeks tightened. “I’m fine,” I said quickly, turning to hide my face.
    â€œAre you still upset that I’m going to be away tomorrow for our anniversary?” Nate asked, and my whole body tensed at