I Just Want You to Know Read Free

she said suddenly.
    “Like what?” I asked.
    “Call in a prescription for a patient she hasn’t seen.”
    To get my kids the medical care they needed, I had to work hard to convince the office staff that when one of my kids got sick, the others did too. Finding a last-minute babysitter for seven so I couldtake one sick child to the pediatrician was part of my job as a mom of eight little kids. And repeatedly calling the doctor for appointments, prescriptions, and refills had to be done no matter how much I annoyed the office staff.
    I was quickly learning that we weren’t normal by the world’s standards, but I also found out that with enough persistence, we could make things work. In the end, Aaden was seen by the pediatrician and was also treated for pneumonia. I’ve learned to always trust my mommy instincts.
    If I learned anything during our time in Elizabethtown, it was that our dreams of “normal” as defined by an average-sized family weren’t possible. Our logistics and our way of doing things was never normal and never would be, but we learned to stop comparing ourselves to other families, and we redefined what normal meant to us.
    Normal for us meant, in part, having mounds of trash and weeks of illness; but it also meant having large group fun we could never have had with a smaller family, like team sports and playing school.
    Another difference in our family was that we put extra effort into giving the kids special, individual opportunities. We knew they didn’t get much time alone, so being intentional about allowing them space and attention was more important for us than for other families.
    Redefining normal helped us to accept that things for us would be different, and whether it was good or bad depended on what we made of each situation.
    I think every family needs to understand what makes their household work—even if it doesn’t function quite like other families. During our time in that house, we learned to make a new kind of ordinary, a Gosselin normal that worked for Jon and me and for our kids. We learned we could feel like a regular family when we went out and made it home safely without any major logistical issues. (When thathappened Jon and I would high-five each other because we felt so, well, normal.)
    We stopped comparing ourselves to other families and set about making our own path in the world. People still stared at us and counted us when we went out. Our safety and health issues were still magnified times eight. We still ate more boxes of cereal and more eggs at breakfast than other families did. But we began to see all of that as our normal.
    Learning to redefine our expectations was a huge blessing because it was during those years that our show really took off. By the time we left Elizabethtown, we would once again have to redefine a new normal, one that included even more stares and pointing, as well as lights, cameras, and a whole lot of action.

Letter to Cara
    Dear Cara,
    I waited my whole life to be your mommy. You are what I dreamed of when I thought of being a mother. Although I knew I’d love you a lot, I had no idea the depth of my love for you…until you were in my arms!
    My love for you is a lot more than hugs and kisses, snuggles and cuddles—although those things are extremely important and irreplaceable. However, the things you don’t notice so much—the decisions I make that affect your life now and in the future, the ways I keep you safe and protect you, the life skills I teach you—these things also greatly impact and make up a mommy’s love.
    My first few years as a mommy, taking care of you and Mady, were absolutely some of the best years of my life. At times, being a mom was the most difficult task I had ever embarked on; however, I was always aware of the blessing that you and Mady were to me. I felt honored and privileged to be your mommy. Two gifts given to me, when I felt undeserving of even one!
    I never said it out loud, but when I was pregnant