How to Outrun a Crocodile When Your Shoes Are Untied Read Free

FROM RANDOM ENCOUNTERS. ALSO, LIP GLOSS.
    â€œHey!” I cleared my throat. Did I just yell that? “Hey, Zack. Nice weather we’re having, hmm?”
    I actually said that. I wanted to tear out my vocal chords with a pen. I stepped aside so he could get into his locker, which was serendipitously placed beside mine.
    I couldn’t decide whether it was good or bad luck yet.
    Given the last thirty seconds, bad.
    Zack was the type of guy that should come with a warning label: Do not look at if you are operating heavy machinery, walking, or trying not to make a complete fool of yourself. Once, Liv caught me doodling a cartoon of Zack looking up at me on a balcony, Romeo and Juliet style. I even drew him holding flowers. That’s how pathetically sad and insane it makes me having Zack pop up at a moment’s notice.
    Not only was he seriously the cutest guy in school, Zack was also a tennis star. Girls who couldn’t even spell tennis showed up to his games. He also had the ability to make me stutter, a development I’ve noticed since the summer sun had given his hair a decidedly beachy look.
    Mmm.
    He slid a textbook into his locker with a thud, jerking me from my little daydream. Apparently if Zack is around, I have the attention span of a gnat. I stood there gaping at him, digging around in my head for the perfect, witty thing to say.
    â€œUh…” was all I came up with.
    That’s when I heard a high-pitched voice coming from down the hall. I wished for the hundredth time that I was invisible as I peeked past Zack.
    The Sneerers.
    Three girls swayed their hips as they walked in their usual line formation. They each had on black skirts with a loose tank top clinging at their hips, each in a different color. I don’t know how they managed it, but they always seemed to walk like there was a soundtrack playing for them—only they were the only ones who could hear it.
    â€œHey, Zack.” Ashley gave a flirty wave as she approached us. I ducked my head behind my locker door, hoping they wouldn’t notice me.
    Ashley, Brooke, and Rayna were the worst part of my day. Every day. You know how some girls you’re friends with earlier in school, say, first grade, but then something happens and they start hating on you for no reason?
    Yeah. Ashley is nothing like that. We’ve never been friends. She’s always hated me, and she loves to feel like she’s super mature. She even wears a matching set of earrings and a necklace, which (as she told us a bazillion times) her mother got her when she got her first bra. Because of this (the attitude, the pearl earrings, and the solid B cup), I’ve always avoided her like a school-borne plague. Tweedledee and Tweedledum stick with her like those little scavenger fish around a shark, eager to get a bite of popularity from her. Actually, Ashley would make a pretty good shark because she’s even on the swim team with Rayna. I can’t imagine anyone that would voluntarily put on a Speedo under those nasty lights, but they seem to have some sort of supergene that makes their blond hair not turn green with all that chlorine. Brooke moved here a year or so ago, so she’s currently the lowest rank on Team Sneerer.
    CREATURE FILE
    SPECIES NAME: Ashleydae Reignus
    KINGDOM: Junior High
    PHYLUM: Carnivora; Swim Team Goddesses
    WEIGHT: I don’t know, but they get full after two bites of sushi.
    NATURAL HABITAT: The mall, but only the parts that are backlit with pink lighting.
    FEEDS ON: The souls and pain of the weak, waterproof mascara, organic food, and Teen Vogue ; also, my misfortune.
    LIFE SPAN: Most witches and monsters in fairytales seek immortality, so…
    HANDLING TECHNIQUE: AVOID AT ALL COSTS.
    *NOTE* SPECIES RAYNAA PONTIFICUS AND BROOKENZI SNEEROFIDUS HAVE BEEN FOUND TO BE GENETIC CLONES OF SPECIES NOTED ABOVE.
    â€œHey, Scales.” Ashley’s voice dripped with sweetness. You could tell she was aware that