How (Not) to Fall in Love Read Free Page B

couch.
    That was another new secret: Mom drinking herself to sleep almost every night.
    I’d almost reached the library when my phone vibrated in my pocket. I didn’t recognize the number. My heart leaped, hoping it was finally Dad.
    “Hello?” I slid into a tiny hallway alcove where no teachers could yell at me for being on my cell.
    “Darcy? Is that you?” His voice sounded different, not quite himself.
    “Dad! Where are you?” My heart ricocheted in my chest.
    “Darcy, it’s Charlie. Your uncle.”
    My heart had slowed way down. “Oh.” My voice was barely a whisper.
    “I’m sorry, sweetheart, if you thought I was him.” He sounded sad and worried.
    “It’s okay.” That had happened last night, too. Who knew brothers could sound so alike? I tried to remember the last time I’d seen Dad’s younger brother or even talked to him. I’d been a little girl. I barely remembered his ponytail and scruffy beard. But he always sent a special gift for my birthday. And he laughed a lot; I remembered that much.
    “I called your mom again today, but she hasn’t returned my calls.” I’d given him both our cell numbers last night.
    She’s probably still in a wine coma, said my inside voice. But my outside voice said, “I’ll remind her to call you.” Right. Like Mom would call.
    He sighed into the phone. “Please do. And you can, too, Darcy. Anytime.” He hesitated. “You should come see me. At my shop.”
    “Yeah.” My dad hated that Charlie worked in a crummy pawn shop in the ’hood, as Dad called it. “But I don’t have a car anymore.”
    “You don’t? What happened?”
    I sighed into the phone. “It’s a long story.”
    It was his turn to sigh. “Let me think about this, and get back to you.”
    “Okay.” I shrugged, like he could see me. What was he going to do? See if his pawn shop had any spare cars lying around?
    We said our good-byes, and I snuck into a quiet corner of the library and shoved in my earbuds. I should’ve listened to music, something to calm the stress balloon expanding in my stomach. But instead I pulled up Letterman on YouTube.
    On my tiny phone screen, Dave smirked. Up popped his Top Ten list from last night, which he read aloud while his studio audience laughed and applauded.
    The Top Ten Reasons Tri!Umphant! Tyler Covington is in Hiding:
    10. He didn’t get the memo that self-help gurus are a relic of the 20th century.
    9. Those old videos of him singing with a Christian punk band back in the 1980s resurfaced on YouTube.
    8. Grecian Formula stopped making his shade of blond hair color.
    7. Clients started asking for refunds when their “harvest” ended up being a stack of unpaid credit card bills.
    6. He was turned down as the replacement shill for Oxi-Clean.
    5. Even the family dog won’t listen to his spiel anymore.
    4. He tried out for Dancing with the Stars but even Florence Henderson AKA Carol Brady wouldn’t dance with him.
    3. The Denver Broncos have been on a winning streak without his pre-game pep talks.
    2. PBS called. They want their tote bags back.
    1. He really did abandon his family and his business to run off to a hidden island with all the money.
    The video already had over 300,000 views. I wondered how many were from my classmates, thanks to Chloe.
    I might as well shave my head and move to Tibet. My life was over.
    O-V-E-R.

Chapter Four
    A fter the Top Ten locker humiliation, I was hoping Mom would be home, but she’d left a note that she was at a job interview. I couldn’t imagine where she’d apply, but she’d told me since all our accounts were frozen, we’d been living on credit cards, which was a bad idea.
    I started some homework, but it was hard to find the motivation to finish it. I fixed myself toast and dug a wilted bag of salad out of the fridge. I missed gourmet chef Mom.
    My cell rang just as I swallowed a bite of lettuce that was way past its prime.
    “Darcy, it’s Charlie. Again.” He laughed softly, making me smile a