House of Many Tongues Read Free

after two thousand.
    SHIMON points the gun at ABU DALO’s head and cocks it.
    ABU DALO pulls out a cigarette from behind his ear. Smokes.
    Don’t smoke on my property.
    Abu Dalo: If I don’t smoke, I get nervous. If I get nervous, I pee in my pants. Shit! I already have.
    Shimon: I don’t believe this.
    Abu Dalo: Don’t worry about it. It just adds to the overall smell of myself.
    Shimon: You just pissed yourself?
    Abu Dalo: Happens to the best of us.
    Shimon: You’re revolting.
    Abu Dalo: That’s my intention. To revolt. (a beat) 1967. I was sixteen years old. It was war and we lost. We were terrified. What were you going to do to us?
    There were soldiers. My family ran away to the village down the tracks. We were safe there. But we never gave up this house.
    For thirty-five years I wanted to see her again.
    I dreamt about her, imagined her, promised I’d come back.
    The house speaks to me.
    The House: Abu Dalo, is that you?
    Abu Dalo: (laughing) Habibi, how are you? I missed you so much.
    The House: What a nice… surprise.
    Abu Dalo: How is your cedar toilet seat? (THE HOUSE laughs.) And the fig tree my great-grandfather planted? God, I love that tree.
    SHIMON puts down the gun.
    Ya Habibi, I’ve come back.

Scene 5
    ALEX upstairs, writing.
    Alex: Melissa raises her skirt
    and her legs shine
    her two fingers point beneath her white underwear.
    She has shaved so a man
    can better understand
    for to see is to understand.
    Melissa: “Clit-oris.”
    Alex: She says.
    Clit-oris? I say.
    What’s it do? I ask.
    Melissa: It does nothing. It is pleasure.
    Alex: You mean something exists only for the sake of pleasure?
    Melissa: Yup.
    Alex: (writing) This is what the Zionists should be fighting for.
    So where is it? I say.
    Melissa: Look close.
    Alex: She says.
    I can’t see it, I say.
    Melissa: Look closer.
    Radio sounds.
    Alex: Houston, this is Alex. We’re ready to establish contact.
    Houston: Copy, Alex. What’s your position?
    Alex: We’ve left the stratosphere and are approaching the clitoris.
    But we’re having trouble finding its precise location.
    Houston: Roger that, Alex. Keep a close eye on things and proceed with caution. And remember what Wikipedia says: start slow, be sensitive and inventive.
    Alex: I look up, I look in.
    It’s really dark in here.
    I can’t see anything.
    Hello? (echo: hello, hello, hello)
    Echo! (echo, echo, echo)
    Is anyone home? (home, home, home)
    Enter MELISSA’S CLITORIS.
    Who are you?
    Melissa’s Clitoris: I’m Melissa’s clitoris.
    Alex: Oh. At last! I found you.
    Is the clitoris always located so deep in outer space?
    Melissa’s Clitoris: It varies from woman to woman.
    Alex: How should I touch you?
    Melissa’s Clitoris: Carefully.
    I’ve got so much passion in me I’m like a bomb ready to go off.
    Alex: Do you know where I can find my mother?

Scene 6
    THE CAMEL lights up a cigarette, addresses the audience.
    The Camel: I’m a camel. You’ve probably seen pictures of me. I’ve been in my share of movies too. Books, lots of books. Maybe you went on a tour, paid a lot of money to take a ride and watch the sun rise while you laughed at me shitting gumballs in the sand.
    You’re wondering. Why am I talking? What does a camel have to say to you?
    Here in the Middle East a camel is a fly on the wall. Religions, loves, dreams, vows—all pass through the ears and eyes of the camel.
    I know this entire country from top to bottom. I’ve met messed-up prophets, strange birds, crazy houses. I’ve known this house for some time now. There’s something tragic and fucked up about her.
    Kill or be killed. If you stay, that’s what happens. Or you suffer from the fear. That’s what it means to be a house in Jerusalem. To call this place home.
    ABU DALO is outside THE HOUSE, drenched. SHIMON inside, drinking beer.
    Alex: Who’s that out front?
    Shimon: Its name is Abu Dalo. And he’s been standing there all night.
    Alex: In the rain?
    Shimon: He thinks this house is his.