House of Many Tongues Read Free Page A

Don’t open the door. Don’t speak to him.
    Alex: I’m going to ask him a few questions.
    SHIMON blocks the door.
    Shimon: Hold on, kid.
    We need to know what this moment means.
    Do we shoot the Arab or let him go in peace?
    Is he armed—and if so, with what?
    If we shoot him, there’s blood on our hands—and the front step.
    If we let him go, he could come back to haunt us.
    Kill or be killed.
    Alex. I said no. (ALEX opens the door.)
    Alex: Good morning. Hey, you smell bad. You’re a Palestinian.
    Abu Dalo: Do you want to shoot me too?
    Alex: No, sir. I just want to ask a few questions. Mr. Abu Dalo, are you married?
    Abu Dalo: Yes.
    Enter RIVKA.
    Alex: Hi Rivka. (to ABU DALO) Have you ever given your wife cunnilingus before?
    RIVKA enters THE HOUSE.
    Rivka: Who the hell is Alex talking to?
    Shimon: The enemy. (SHIMON slams the door shut.)
    Alex: I need you to tell me, sir, if you: a) practise cunnilingus, and b) if you consider yourself good at it.
    Abu Dalo: Yes, I have given cunnilingus, infrequently, but I have never considered whether it was something I was good at. I simply did it.
    Alex: Interesting. And the subject’s response?
    Abu Dalo: Positive, I would say. (ALEX writes down notes, etc.)
    Shimon: What the hell is going on with my son? Why is he talking about oral sex to an Arab?
    Rivka: Well… that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I’m worried about Alex.
    Shimon: So am I.
    Alex: State your education.
    Abu Dalo: Doctor of Literature.
    Alex: Occupation?
    Abu Dalo: Former professor, Birzeit University. Writer of poetry, plays and articles.
    Alex: Really? I’m a writer too.
    Shimon: An educated Arab. You think he’s telling the truth?
    Rivka: I have no idea. I’ve never met the guy. What’s he doing here anyways?
    Shimon: Being a nuisance.
    Alex: Let me be frank. I need to recruit five hundred Palestinians into my legions, so please, answer the following questions honestly.
    When was the last time you engaged in the act of cunnilingus, Mr. Abu Dalo?
    Abu Dalo: 1978.
    Alex: Wow. So you’re like a museum piece. Fascinating. (writing notes, etc.)
    Rivka: You need to talk to your son.
    Shimon: I’ll talk to him all right. Right after I figure out what to do with this stinking Arab. He’s dangerous.
    Rivka: If he’s a threat you should call the police.
    Shimon: The police can’t help me with this. The house spoke to him.
    Rivka: Are you drunk?
    Shimon: This is a Jewish house.
    The house told me so—she spoke to me.
    But the house speaks to him too.
    So how does the Arab fit into this?
    ALEX writing, taking notes with ABU DALO.
    Alex: Have you ever given cunnilingus to a Jewess?
    Abu Dalo: I told you I’m married.
    Alex: I’ll take that as a “no.” So where’s your wife?
    Abu Dalo: Not here.
    Alex: Can I interview her sometime?
    Abu Dalo: NO.
    Alex: How often do you two copulate? Per annum.
    Abu Dalo: Shut up.
    Alex: Does she wear a head scarf?
    Abu Dalo: I don’t want to talk about my wife.
    Alex: What does the Koran have to say about cunnilingus?
    Abu Dalo: Kid, I don’t care what the hell the Koran says about anything. Now go into the backyard and spend some time with the fig tree. Try and learn from it. It knows the virtue of shutting the fuck up.
    Shimon: That’s enough. I’m going outside.
    Rivka: Hold on. We need to talk.
    Alex: What fig tree?
    ABU DALO leads ALEX into the backyard.
    Abu Dalo: The fig tree that my great-grandfather planted. Does this still lead to the backyard?
    SHIMON and RIVKA go through the front door to look for them.
    Shimon: Alex? Where are you?
    Abu Dalo: Where the hell is it?
    Alex: I don’t think we ever had a fig tree. Are you sure you lived here?
    Shimon: Alex? Come back inside!
    Abu Dalo: Of course I’m sure. It was right here. Ten feet tall. The most beautiful fig tree in the world! What kind of person would cut down a fig tree? (a beat) May I use your bathroom?
    Alex: I would be honoured, sir.
    ALEX lets ABU DALO inside. ALEX searches for signs of