Hold the Pickles Read Free Page A

except that this one had blond hair.
    â€œOh, Kelsey! I wondered where you were!” Brooke said. “You’ve got to meet Frank. He’s so funny! You’ll absolutely love him.”
    They both turned and smiled at me. I was making ten bucks an hour to talk to two beautiful girls who thought I was funny. I could barely breathe, I was so happy. It was as if, suddenly, everything in my life was going right. I didn’t even feel like sneezing anymore.
    But the good times didn’t last very long.
    I was just about to charm the girls with a few more of my witty remarks when I heard something even worse than Shane’s voice.
    Uncle Hammy’s.

Chapter Six
    â€œHey, look, everybody! Isn’t that Frank Lee Better?”
    What was Uncle Hammy doing here? Why wasn’t he manning his booth? I didn’t want to turn around and find out.
    â€œIt is! It’s the Healthy Hottie!” He was hollering like he’d just spotted Justin Bieber. People craned their necks to see. I can imagine how disappointed they were when they realized he was talking about a hotdog.
    I had to stop Hammy before he said anything more. He was bound to humiliate me in front of Brooke—even if it was only by mentioning that he was my uncle.
    I could hear him pound across the floor behind me. There was no time to waste.
    â€œExcuse me,” I said to the girls. “I’ve got to…”
    â€œOh, sorry,” Brooke said, looking at Hammy. She had this perfect singsong voice. “Don’t let us keep you from your fans!”
    Kelsey swung her big red purse up onto her shoulder. “No. We wouldn’t want to do that. That man looks like he’s really excited to see you. You must be quite a celebrity!”
    I couldn’t tell if she was being sarcastic or not. I got the feeling she wasn’t as nice as Brooke, but I didn’t know why I thought that. It was something about her voice. It had an edge to it.
    Hammy was hollering about my powerful biceps now and gaining on me. The girls’ smiles had frozen on their faces. Their eyes shifted back and forth between me and Hammy. This was turning into one of those classic awkward moments that usually come right before the deeply embarrassing ones.
    â€œI’ll be right back,” I said, then turned to cut Hammy off at the pass.
    My cape swung up in the air just like a real superhero’s would. I wondered if the girls thought it looked cool.
    Or dorky?

Chapter Seven
    First, the good news.
    With so many people tromping through the hall, Hammy didn’t notice his samples scattered all over the floor. He just saw my empty tray and must have thought they’d all been gobbled up by happy customers. He was thrilled.
    â€œYou’re doing a great job, Frank! Or, should I say, Dan .” He whispered as if my true identity was our little secret. “Boy. I’d better hurry back to my stall. Thanks to your stellar sales job, I bet there’s a lineup by now!”
    He handed me the new tray of samples he’d brought with him. “I won’t be able to get down again until three. I doubt these will last until then…” He patted me on the back. “But do your best.”
    Now the bad news.
    By the time I got rid of Hammy, I’d lost sight of the girls.
    I wandered around the hall for ages with my head bent back so I could squint out the mouth hole. I didn’t see them anywhere.
    I decided to do my routine again. I yelled out, “I’m Frank Lee Better! The Healthy Hottie!” I wasn’t embarrassed about doing it anymore. I had a purpose now. I figured if Brooke heard my voice, she’d come and find me . The mere thought of that boosted my ego. She really did seem to like me.
    Most people who heard my voice, though, clearly didn’t. I got the usual reaction. I’d mention high fiber, and they’d turn and head for the nearest pizza stand. The few people who did take a sample