Hold the Pickles Read Free

Coolen screaming for a hotdog.
    My love was doomed.

Chapter Five
    That’s not quite fair. I shouldn’t say Shane Coolen is terrible. Not anymore at least. For years, he called me Pigboy and tortured me about my glasses and my teeth and stuff like that, but he’s gotten nicer. We even kind of get along now.
    That still didn’t mean I was happy to hear his voice. I knew if he found out I was Frank Lee Better, he’d never be able to control himself. He’s only human. He’d have to make fun of me. And that would be the end of my chances with the beautiful girl.
    I told myself to calm down. How would Shane know it was me? The costume covered me right to my shins, and I hadn’t used my real voice. As long as he didn’t recognize the smell of my sweat, I figured I was okay.
    â€œDon’t move, Wienerboy! I mean it!” He came charging over with his big hand stretched out for the last sample. He didn’t seem to notice there was a bite out of it. “Yes! I got it. I wanted a hotdog so bad, you wouldn’t believe it.”
    He was about to put the sample in his mouth when he saw the girl. His hand stopped in midair.
    â€œWell, hello there.” He didn’t even have to put on a Jolly Green Giant voice. It came natural to him.
    I couldn’t see the girl’s face very well, but I could tell by the way she said hi that she was smiling.
    I felt sick. She’d already made it clear that she liked tall, healthy guys, and Shane sure was tall and healthy. The kid had single-handedly lifted Mr. Benvie’s SUV out of the snowbank last year. I assumed that was the only way he’d managed to pass geography. Shane didn’t need to hide inside a foam hotdog to impress a girl.
    â€œSo, ah, what’s your name?” He might have been tall and healthy, but Shane wasn’t all that clever with the pickup lines.
    â€œBrooke.”
    â€œYou mean, like water?” He gave this lover-boy chuckle and winked at her. “I like water.” I would have thrown up, but it was already gross enough inside the hotdog.
    The worst thing was that the beautiful girl laughed at his joke just as hard as she’d laughed at mine. I told myself she was only being polite, but I didn’t really believe it. Girls always laughed at Shane’s jokes. There was just something about him they found cute. Frankly, I didn’t understand the attraction, but that was probably fine with Shane.
    He started talking as if I wasn’t there. He asked Brooke if she’d like to get a bite to eat. He made it sound as if he was going to take her to some fancy restaurant instead of just walking over to a mascot with a trayful of free food.
    She laughed again and said, “I don’t know you very well.” I got the impression that she’d like to change that. She reached out and touched his arm.
    What was I thinking? Why would Brooke ever fall for six feet of foam when she could have a real man—or at least Shane?
    He talked her into heading over to check out what the dancing meatball was offering. He still had my sample in his hand.
    â€œLet me finish this and…” He popped it in his mouth, then made a sound like a dog that had suddenly reached the end of its leash. He started spitting and sputtering and scraping at his tongue with his fingernails.
    â€œOoh. Ugh. Gag. What is this?” He looked at me as if I’d tried to poison him. “It’s disgusting!”
    I didn’t have a chance to reply. Shane heaved and ran off with his hand over his mouth.
    â€œOh, dear. Poor guy.” Brooke watched him disappear through the crowd. Her big brown eyes looked sad. “He must have gotten a bad one.”
    She was sympathetic, but she didn’t run after him. I was amazed. Did she really prefer to stay with me? Even more amazing, I noticed that a second beautiful girl was there now too, standing beside Brooke. They could have been identical twins,