bedroom door and throw myself on the bed like Iâm four again. Ruby has sent me about twenty text messages, but I canât even bear to answer them. Going to Gideon is the worst news Iâve ever had.
My clock glows 4.00am. I havenât slept much. I never can when Iâm worrying. The house is quiet, except for Dad snoring. I open the door to the study and turn on the light. Maybe theyâve left the page open on the computer, or Iâll be able to track it. Then I can find out everything I want to know without them realising.
Scrolling back through their history pages, it doesnât take long to find it: 4 Simpson Street, Gideon. I hold my finger on the return key. Iâm not quite sure Iâm ready to see it.
Then I click and the screen flashes up a picture of a big old house. Itâs the sort you first learn to draw as a child. Thereâs a triangle-shaped roof on top of a rectangular box. There are four windows at the front like two sets of eyes glaring at you, and a door right in the middle on the bottom. Thereâs even a little path leading from the street to the front door, and a chimney. Itâs all symmetrical.
But something doesnât look right, something that makes my skin prickle. Itâs as if the house is pretending to be nice so that Iâll like it, but then on the inside, itâs got plans for me that donât include learning to knit. How did my parents come up with this place? Itâs not the sort Mum would usually be drawn to â nothing like our modern, open-plan house.
I click through the strip of other photos. The first roomâs really big: no furniture, but itâs probably a lounge room . Thereâs a fireplace in the corner, the walls are covered in dark green swirly patterned wallpaper and thereâs burgundy carpet and high ceilings. All it needs is a deer head stuffed and hanging from the wall, and a man with a rifle swilling a glass of scotch. Then thereâs the kitchen: cupboards the colour of vomit.
The bathroom looks disgusting and there doesnât even seem to be a shower. Imagine us all trying to have a bath before we go off to school or work!
There are no photos of bedrooms and the only other photo is of a plain room that looks added on. It doesnât fit with the rest of the house. There are wooden floorboards and the ceiling slants. Itâs a weird shape; maybe itâs an attic.
Clicking on the original photo of the outside, I zoom in on the triangle part at the top to see if thereâs a room that I missed. And there it is. Small, dark and circular like a forgotten porthole, a tiny round window. As I look at it, something cold sparks around my legs, like Iâm looking into a secret. And, despite myself, I do really want to be inside that room.
While Iâm staring at the computer, imagining myself walking through the house, Jasper swirls around me, rubbing his fur against my ankles. I bend down to pick him up, but as I do, he flicks his claws out and scratches me.
âWhat the hellâs that for!â I drop him back onto the ground and he hisses and runs off. He never scratches me. I donât get it. How will he go moving to the country, where heâll be kept inside for the first six weeks?
A floorboard creaks behind me and I freeze. Someone knows Iâm poking around in the Gideon house and theyâre trying to scare me off. The screen suddenly goes dark. How black the room is without any computer light. I can feel myself holding onto my breath, gathering it up.
And then a door opens somewhere and I breathe again. Itâs probably just Mum going to the toilet. Quietly, I slump back down in the chair so if they look in here, they wonât see me straightaway. I couldnât bear to get caught by Mum. Sheâll make such a thing about it, sheâll assume it means sheâs won me over, and I donât feel like dealing with her smugness.
Now that Iâm sitting here alone in