turned his head. My steps slowed as I reached him. I was stupidly hoping he would be indifferent to me as he had been earlier. I stared at Jack's cold blue eyes. I had done that to him. The Jack that had found me annoying, but allowed me to tag along with him and his sister had been so full of warmth and life.
'Stay away from Jennifer,' Jack s aid. 'Is she your next target?'
I sw allowed. 'Jack, that's not fair.'
He gave me a hard look. It twisted his features, but he was still as beautiful as ever. I was ashamed to admit that even to myself. On the outside, I knew I could fool Jack and pretend his words didn't hurt me as much as they did. I also realised I could never let him discover I was having these kind of thoughts. Jack wouldn't hesitate to use them against me.
'You made fun of her bu limia,' Jack said with disgust.
I looked down in shame. I knew I shouldn't have mentioned a sensitive topic with callousness and with such little disregard just to get back at someone. Whether Jennifer was being catty or not, I was wrong to use her bulimia against her. 'It was said in the heat of the moment,' I said weakly. I still felt bad for that, but I couldn't bring myself to apologise to Jennifer. If she had been any other person, I would have. But thinking of the hate campaign she had led against me in secondary school and the fact that she hadn't changed one bit, how could I say sorry to her ? Where was my apology?'
'The heat of moment?' Jack repeated. 'You're unbelievable, you know that? It's bad enough I have to see your face every day, but do you know what's worse than that? I hate seeing you acting like you're the victim. You don't care who you hurt, just like back then.'
'You don't know me,' I replie d in a subdued voice.
'I know enough,' Jack said. 'I know whose filthy blood you have running through your veins.'
All at once I felt nauseous. I hurried away from Jack. I made it back to the dorms and to my room without being sick. Thankfully, Rene wasn't in. I stripped the floorboards and took out a razor blade. My hands shook as I held it. I hadn't had an episode in quite a while. The last time had been a month ago. I'd seen a picture of my father as I was packing to move into the dorms. I began cutting myself. I entered a zone where I was at peace. I sighed as I bled. Afterwards, when all the pain and hurt bled out of me, I stopped the blood flow with an old shirt. I dabbed myself with tissue at the last remaining blood and looked at all the mess I had made. Piles of piles of dark red tissues were scattered around me.
I stuffed the blood stained shirt in a black bag. I wasn't going to dump it where Rene could find it. I hid it under my bed for the meantime. In the morning, I would discard of it properly and somewhere far away from the freshmen dorms. I'd seen a couple of large bins around the campus. I brushed my teeth and went to bed early.
Chapter Three
I woke up feeling positive despite yesterday's episode. Rene was my best friend, and though it was a shame we weren't on the same course, I was making new friends. I looked forward to seeing Matt and Scott. Before that I had things to do.
I checked in Rene's room and smiled to myself. Sh e was spread eagle on the bed. Her hair, which took her hours to straighten every day was reverted back to its originally curly state. I actually thought Rene looked better like that, and had told her on a number of occasions, but Rene was convinced it was going to take away her reputation for being a no-nonsense kind of girl and make her appear soft, thereby diminishing the effects of her piercings and scary grim reaper tattoo. I closed the door quietly and returned to my room to retrieve the black bin bag under my bed.
I left Austen Halls, which had been named after Jane Austen, the author of Pride and Prejudice. Our dorm didn't just consist of English Lit students, but had a mixture of Science, Math and Psychology students. Montgomery was different from
'Stay away from Jennifer,' Jack s aid. 'Is she your next target?'
I sw allowed. 'Jack, that's not fair.'
He gave me a hard look. It twisted his features, but he was still as beautiful as ever. I was ashamed to admit that even to myself. On the outside, I knew I could fool Jack and pretend his words didn't hurt me as much as they did. I also realised I could never let him discover I was having these kind of thoughts. Jack wouldn't hesitate to use them against me.
'You made fun of her bu limia,' Jack said with disgust.
I looked down in shame. I knew I shouldn't have mentioned a sensitive topic with callousness and with such little disregard just to get back at someone. Whether Jennifer was being catty or not, I was wrong to use her bulimia against her. 'It was said in the heat of the moment,' I said weakly. I still felt bad for that, but I couldn't bring myself to apologise to Jennifer. If she had been any other person, I would have. But thinking of the hate campaign she had led against me in secondary school and the fact that she hadn't changed one bit, how could I say sorry to her ? Where was my apology?'
'The heat of moment?' Jack repeated. 'You're unbelievable, you know that? It's bad enough I have to see your face every day, but do you know what's worse than that? I hate seeing you acting like you're the victim. You don't care who you hurt, just like back then.'
'You don't know me,' I replie d in a subdued voice.
'I know enough,' Jack said. 'I know whose filthy blood you have running through your veins.'
All at once I felt nauseous. I hurried away from Jack. I made it back to the dorms and to my room without being sick. Thankfully, Rene wasn't in. I stripped the floorboards and took out a razor blade. My hands shook as I held it. I hadn't had an episode in quite a while. The last time had been a month ago. I'd seen a picture of my father as I was packing to move into the dorms. I began cutting myself. I entered a zone where I was at peace. I sighed as I bled. Afterwards, when all the pain and hurt bled out of me, I stopped the blood flow with an old shirt. I dabbed myself with tissue at the last remaining blood and looked at all the mess I had made. Piles of piles of dark red tissues were scattered around me.
I stuffed the blood stained shirt in a black bag. I wasn't going to dump it where Rene could find it. I hid it under my bed for the meantime. In the morning, I would discard of it properly and somewhere far away from the freshmen dorms. I'd seen a couple of large bins around the campus. I brushed my teeth and went to bed early.
Chapter Three
I woke up feeling positive despite yesterday's episode. Rene was my best friend, and though it was a shame we weren't on the same course, I was making new friends. I looked forward to seeing Matt and Scott. Before that I had things to do.
I checked in Rene's room and smiled to myself. Sh e was spread eagle on the bed. Her hair, which took her hours to straighten every day was reverted back to its originally curly state. I actually thought Rene looked better like that, and had told her on a number of occasions, but Rene was convinced it was going to take away her reputation for being a no-nonsense kind of girl and make her appear soft, thereby diminishing the effects of her piercings and scary grim reaper tattoo. I closed the door quietly and returned to my room to retrieve the black bin bag under my bed.
I left Austen Halls, which had been named after Jane Austen, the author of Pride and Prejudice. Our dorm didn't just consist of English Lit students, but had a mixture of Science, Math and Psychology students. Montgomery was different from
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