hadn't replied. I had just watched him get dress and leave. That night, three months ago, I had cried for the first time in a long while. Cried until my eyes could shed no more tears and I hadn't cried since then...till now. Now the tears were back, threatening to push its way through but I held them back, desperate to hold onto the shred of dignity I had left.
John deserved no more tears from me.
Three months ago when he had left me and after I had cried my last cry I swore to find someone like him...no, someone better than John. Someone who would cherish me, someone who wouldn't leave. But I never thought the first man I'd sleep with after John would be his own brother.
How pathetic.
"You weak fool," I whispered, eyes still fixed on Julia. "Weak, weak fool." I tore my eyes away from the magnificent picture Julia made and walked away.
"Kaito?"
I froze at the sound of the voice behind me.
"Kai? Ah, it is you. Where have you been? Remember your speech? You haven't made it yet. Come inside...Kai?"
I swallowed and looked back. John, handsome John in his white tux. John with dark hair and laughing blue eyes. John who was mine but no longer. Now he belonged to the woman in white.
"I'm leaving," I told him.
John frowned, "What? Where are you going? Hey, why do you look like that? Your suit is all crumpled." He took a step towards me. "Here, let me fix you up before you make your speech-"
I stepped back before he could touch me. John paused and stared at me, brows creasing into a frown again. "Hey, what's wrong?"
What's wrong? WHAT'S WRONG? I laughed. Yes, of course he'd ask that.
"Everything is wrong," I muttered.
"What?"
I sighed. "Look, John, I came like you asked me to but now I'm leaving. I'm done."
"Kai...I thought we went over this already. Just because I got married doesn't mean we can't be friends anymore." He smiled that charming smile. "Right?"
"John-"
"John!" Julia stepped out onto the porch and smiled at us. "What are you two doing there? Come inside!" She looked at me and her smile widened. "Kai, come in! You have to make your best man speech. Everyone's waiting for you."
This was why I couldn't hate her completely, I thought solemnly as I stared at her brilliant smile. She was so damn nice, so damn clueless. She was too good for John.
"Come on," John said, placing a firm hand on my shoulder, "let's go inside." He paused. "Hey, have you seen my brother?"
Yes , I thought. I had just slept with him, pretending that he was you .
I shrugged his hand away and stepped back. "Sorry, Julia, but something came up. I-I gotta go."
"Kai?" Julia lost her smile. "What happened?"
"I'm sorry." I turned and walked away. I could hear my shoes crunching against the snow but wait, was it the snow I was hearing or the sound of my own heart? Tears threatened to spill again at the thought. Oh John....
"Kai! Wait!" John grabbed my hand. "What's going on? Hey! Kai!"
"Please," I begged, "let me go."
"What?"
I raised my voice. "Let me go, John!"
John released his hold. "Kai, where are you going?"
My chest tightened to the point where I thought I'd suffocate. "I'm going somewhere where you're not."
I glanced back and gave him a weak smile. "Congratulations, John. I hope you found everything you wanted in Julia."
I left him and Julia standing there staring after me. I got in my old blue Toyota and just drove away. At first I didn't know where to go but then I found myself parking in front of my apartment. Tired, I walked up the stairs, unlocked my apartment door and dragged my weary self in.
Clicking on the kitchen light, I went straight to the refrigerator and took out a beer. "Congratulation, Mr. and Mrs. Fitzpatrick," I mumbled, raising the beer up in salute after opening it. "May you two have a happy life together."
I stumbled to a stool and sat down, taking a deep drink from the bottle. The bitterness hit me but I kept going until the bottle was half empty. Tomorrow's Sunday so maybe I can drink myself to
John deserved no more tears from me.
Three months ago when he had left me and after I had cried my last cry I swore to find someone like him...no, someone better than John. Someone who would cherish me, someone who wouldn't leave. But I never thought the first man I'd sleep with after John would be his own brother.
How pathetic.
"You weak fool," I whispered, eyes still fixed on Julia. "Weak, weak fool." I tore my eyes away from the magnificent picture Julia made and walked away.
"Kaito?"
I froze at the sound of the voice behind me.
"Kai? Ah, it is you. Where have you been? Remember your speech? You haven't made it yet. Come inside...Kai?"
I swallowed and looked back. John, handsome John in his white tux. John with dark hair and laughing blue eyes. John who was mine but no longer. Now he belonged to the woman in white.
"I'm leaving," I told him.
John frowned, "What? Where are you going? Hey, why do you look like that? Your suit is all crumpled." He took a step towards me. "Here, let me fix you up before you make your speech-"
I stepped back before he could touch me. John paused and stared at me, brows creasing into a frown again. "Hey, what's wrong?"
What's wrong? WHAT'S WRONG? I laughed. Yes, of course he'd ask that.
"Everything is wrong," I muttered.
"What?"
I sighed. "Look, John, I came like you asked me to but now I'm leaving. I'm done."
"Kai...I thought we went over this already. Just because I got married doesn't mean we can't be friends anymore." He smiled that charming smile. "Right?"
"John-"
"John!" Julia stepped out onto the porch and smiled at us. "What are you two doing there? Come inside!" She looked at me and her smile widened. "Kai, come in! You have to make your best man speech. Everyone's waiting for you."
This was why I couldn't hate her completely, I thought solemnly as I stared at her brilliant smile. She was so damn nice, so damn clueless. She was too good for John.
"Come on," John said, placing a firm hand on my shoulder, "let's go inside." He paused. "Hey, have you seen my brother?"
Yes , I thought. I had just slept with him, pretending that he was you .
I shrugged his hand away and stepped back. "Sorry, Julia, but something came up. I-I gotta go."
"Kai?" Julia lost her smile. "What happened?"
"I'm sorry." I turned and walked away. I could hear my shoes crunching against the snow but wait, was it the snow I was hearing or the sound of my own heart? Tears threatened to spill again at the thought. Oh John....
"Kai! Wait!" John grabbed my hand. "What's going on? Hey! Kai!"
"Please," I begged, "let me go."
"What?"
I raised my voice. "Let me go, John!"
John released his hold. "Kai, where are you going?"
My chest tightened to the point where I thought I'd suffocate. "I'm going somewhere where you're not."
I glanced back and gave him a weak smile. "Congratulations, John. I hope you found everything you wanted in Julia."
I left him and Julia standing there staring after me. I got in my old blue Toyota and just drove away. At first I didn't know where to go but then I found myself parking in front of my apartment. Tired, I walked up the stairs, unlocked my apartment door and dragged my weary self in.
Clicking on the kitchen light, I went straight to the refrigerator and took out a beer. "Congratulation, Mr. and Mrs. Fitzpatrick," I mumbled, raising the beer up in salute after opening it. "May you two have a happy life together."
I stumbled to a stool and sat down, taking a deep drink from the bottle. The bitterness hit me but I kept going until the bottle was half empty. Tomorrow's Sunday so maybe I can drink myself to
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