Dancing with Life Read Free Page B

couldn’t feel a thing. However, since it was a large temple I just could not cope with all the walking around as I was afraid I would lose my balance and fall. I spotted a bench and sat down next to an old woman. The others were a little ahead of me and I just signalled to them that I would stay there till they returned. After we returned home, my aunt told me she wanted to talk to me alone. I nodded and we went to a room while all others were resting. When she asked me what the problem was I said I was just tired and fatigue had begun to strike me more frequently than before. She was not completely convinced by my explanation, but left it at that.
    During an extended weekend, an out-of-town trip to Lucknow with both families was planned with much excitement. There was no way I could have said no. During the long car drive I wore a sanitary napkin (I could not yet convince myself to buy adult diapers) and even packed a stash along with extra clothes in case of an emergency.
    The trip was enjoyable for everyone except me, as my focus remained on finding a washroom that I could use in all the places we visited. I was not interested in sightseeing, taking photographs or shopping for souvenirs. Nor did I care to interact too much with my relatives as all my energy went into ensuring that I did not stumble or fall or create a scene in public. This was a tall order as many of the roads and places were not even human-friendly, let alone disabled-friendly.
    All I could manage now were short walks on smooth surfaces. Basically, my problems with balance became apparent only during long walks. I made sure I stuck to short walks alone and then sat down on a bench or in a store, like I often did in Delhi. At this stage, almost everyone had understood that I could no longer walk long distances so they kept this in mind and made adjustments for me accordingly. It was as if they were travelling with an elderly relative. I did not know what to do to make them forget about me and my limitations and enjoy themselves; the purpose for which all of us had taken the trip in the first place. I actually wished the earth would open up and swallow me at times.
    And the more I tried, the harder it became to hide the truth.
    At the end of our time in Lucknow, my aunt knew something was seriously wrong. After a long discussion with my husband my aunt decided that she would extend her stay till all my medical tests were complete. That was easier said than done. My aunt and husband had to literally force me into going to the hospital and meeting a doctor.
    At first, I went to a general physician at the Army Hospital Research and Referral in Delhi Cantonment, who put me through some routine tests and said everything seemed to be normal. After asking me some more questions, he referred me to the neurology department, where I first met Dr J.D. Mukherjee, a senior neurologist.
    Instead of worrying about what medical condition the tests would reveal I listed, one by one, all the problems I had been experiencing. Dr Mukherjee heard all that I had to say and referred me to other medical departments for a battery of other tests.
    After the results came in Dr Mukherjee called me to his cabin along with my husband. ‘Do you remember ever having a problem with your vision or suffering from inordinate fatigue?’ he asked. He nodded grimly after listening to my story. He then explained that I had MS and the previous incident where I had suddenly lost vision in one eye was an early indicator of the same disease, one that I should not have ignored. He also explained that the disease itself was extremely difficult to detect until certain commonly recognized symptoms peculiar to this disease showed up.
    MS is also known as disseminated sclerosis or encephalomyelitis disseminata. The cause is not clear, but the underlying mechanism is thought to be either destruction by the immune system or failure of the myelin-producing cells. It is more common in women and the onset