Dancing with Life Read Free Page A

administrative purposes. This arrangement was even better than what I had hoped for and so began my career as a motivational and personal growth reporter.
    Looking back, I now realize that life had set me on the path to discovery and healing. Through my job at the magazine I met many inspiring people and got access to several wonderful books and articles. The very people I went to visit and interview began to show me the way to live a fulfilling, stress-free and healthy life.

    By now even though my vision had improved I had still not got myself checked for either my issues with incontinence or balance. Foolishly, I started reading the health section of magazines and newspapers to find solutions to my problems rather than making an appointment with a doctor. Instead of going to the source of the problem I was trying to play doctor to myself without really understanding what was happening in my body. Even though I stopped short of self-medicating the fact is that I was living in deep denial.
    Besides articles in popular media I also read positive literature and tried to spend some time in daily meditation and attended as many motivational talks that I could. I kept telling myself: ‘This too shall pass’.
    I also used to chant regularly. My chanting sessions would include all the prayers I knew, from various religions and faiths; I even followed a set pattern of allocating one day of the week for one particular chant. I did this quietly at night and never let anyone knew how disturbed I was feeling inside. But why, you may ask, did I still shy away from going to a doctor? The honest answer is because I kept hoping against hope that this was just a temporary phase.
    My husband was not fooled however. He knew something was wrong and kept asking me to visit a doctor but I kept putting him off with excuses. I was terrified of what the result would be. Would I require hospitalization? How much would it cost? Would I be able to walk again? What would happen to my lovely children Siddart and Samyukta? I would rather not know. The truth was a ticking time-bomb that had the potential to blow all our lives into smithereens.
    In 2006 my eldest aunt Vijaya arrived at our house in Delhi for a visit accompanied by her son and daughter-in-law. Vijaya was my favourite aunt. I had spent much time with her in my teenage years either shopping or attending musical concerts or singing; she had even helped me shop for my wedding trousseau. After marriage and motherhood I always looked forward to her visits for with her came rushing back all the happy memories of my youth and childhood.
    Now for the first time in my life I was not keen to receive her and her family as a guest. For one, I did not know if I would be able to look after them or take them sightseeing as we had planned. I did not know if all the places we might visit would have a convenient and clean washroom, which had now become a necessity for me. Above all, I did not want my extended family to think that anything was wrong with me. I knew my aunt observed everything with a keen eye and was not fooled easily. I was not wrong.
    My guests arrived and sure enough my aunt soon realized something was amiss. She knew of my love for cooking and that I would have taken a lot more interest in the kitchen, especially now that I had guests. Instead I delegated most of the work to my house help and hardly stepped into the kitchen. She noticed that I had stopped going for walks, something I enjoyed greatly and would not accompany them for trips within the city.
    The only time I made an exception was for a visit to a local temple. It was the peak of summer and everyone in our group began to complain about walking barefoot on the burning pavement of the temple in the scorching heat. I, on the other hand, did not find it so uncomfortable and continued walking at more or less the same pace. This was because as I have mentioned earlier, the numbness that had spread to my legs (and feet) meant I