Crazy Little Thing Read Free Page B

talk when you want to say something.”
    “Okay,”
Ollie said. “Can I go to the bathroom?”
    “You’re
asking my permission?” Scarlet asked.
    Ollie
stood and danced from foot to foot. “I have to number one really bad.”
    “Go,
go, go,” Scarlet said, waving her hand.
    Ollie
left the room. She knew she was being a pain in the ass with all the hand
raising and some people might have even accused her of being childish, but she
couldn’t help herself. If Scarlet insisted on treating them like children then
she was going to act like a child. Besides, she thought it was funny.
    Ollie
closed the bathroom door and looked in the mirror. Her face looked sunburned.
It wasn’t, though. What she was seeing coloring her face was nothing but good ol’
jealousy. She had walked in on an intimate moment and instead of feeling
embarrassed, she felt jealous. Claire was making love to another woman and she
was going to have to face the fact that Claire didn’t want her anymore.
    That
didn’t keep it from hurting, though.
    She
opened the medicine cabinet and took a look-see. It was surprising what you
could learn about a person by what medicine they took. Ollie read off the
labels: Vagisil. Lavender scented feminine spray. Half a bottle of amoxycilin.
Stool softeners. Ex-lax. Ollie closed the door. She had seen too much. Now
she’d never be able to look at Scarlet again without thinking about yeast
infections and constipation.
    She
flushed the toilet so people would think she really did have to go to the
bathroom and headed back to the living room. She heard Claire’s raised voice
coming from the living room. She stopped in the shadows of the hallway,
listening.
    Here
is what Ollie overheard:
    Scarlet:
I don’t want you going.
    Claire:
I have to go. Unless you want me to stay married to her.
    Scarlet:
I can’t stand the thought of you sharing a house with her.
    Claire:
We have to, Scarlet. We have to establish residency. We’ve been through all
this, why are you changing your mind now?
    Scarlet:
Because… (Ollie could hear the pout in her voice.) Because before it was just a
thought. It was something that may happen in the future. Now the future is here
and it’s real and I don’t want to lose you.
    Claire:
Baby, you aren’t going to lose me. Don’t you know I hate the very thought of
spending any time with that woman? This is pure torture for me.
    Scarlet:
(In a baby voice.) Weally?
    Claire:
Weally weally.
    Ollie
made silent gagging noises. She cleared her throat as she entered the room,
interrupting Claire and Scarlet’s deep-throated kiss.  They had evidently
forgotten G-Ray’s presence.  He was still standing in the corner and filming. 
He gave her the universal hand signal for gag me.
    “So,”
Ollie said, “Anything interesting happen while I was in the bathroom?”
    Claire
pulled away from the kiss. And if Ollie wasn’t mistaken, she thought Claire
looked a little… What was the word? Repulsed. But that was probably her
imagination. How could your very own fiancé repulse you?
    “Ready
to rock and roll,” Claire said brightly. She rubbed her palms together. “Can
somebody help me with my luggage?”
    Nobody
moved.
    “And
by ‘somebody’ I mean you, Ollie,” Claire said.
     

Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go
     
    Ollie
and Claire stood on the sidewalk and watched Scarlet walk a wide circle around
the van, studying it from every angle. Scarlet read aloud each bumper sticker: Surfers
do it standing up. Honk if you’re horny. Vagina is for lovers. I brake for
boobs. Butthole Surfers.
    Scarlet
raised an eyebrow at Ollie. “Quite a collection.”
    Ollie
smiled proudly. “Thank you. It’s my quest to get a bumper sticker from every
state I drive through.”
    “Quest?”
    “Yeah,
you know how most people get a fridge magnet from where they visit. I’m
collecting bumper stickers.”
    “It’s
an admirable goal,” Claire said.
    Ollie
couldn’t tell if Claire was mocking her or not. She felt like a