Crazy Little Thing Read Free Page A

lesbians.”
    G-Ray
sniffed the air. “Interesting. Very earthy.”
    “Listen!
There it is again.”
    G-Ray
and Ollie perked up their ears. A low moaning sound echoed down the hallway.
Ollie morphed into superhero mode. “I’m coming, Claire! I’ll save you!”
    Ollie
charged down the hallway and threw her shoulder against the last door. The door
flew open, crashing into the wall behind it. Ollie put on the brakes when she
saw Scarlet thrown back across the bed with Claire’s head under her skirt.
    Scarlet
raised up on both elbows and looked at Ollie. “Do you mind?”
    Ollie
said, “Whoops.”
    G-Ray
charged into the room, bumping into Ollie’s back. He aimed the camera at the
scene on the bed.
    Claire
peeked out from under Scarlet’s skirt. “Oh my God, please tell me this isn’t
happening,” she muttered. Mortified, she re-buried her face in Scarlet’s
crotch.
    Ollie
turned and looked right into the camera lens. “Well, there goes your PG
rating.”

Number One
     
    Scarlet
paced back and forth across the living room, her heels tap-tap-tapping on the
parquet floor. Claire and Ollie sat on opposite ends of the sofa, hands folded
in their laps, eyes following Scarlet. They looked like kids who had been sent
to the Principal’s office and were awaiting punishment. G-Ray stood in the
corner filming.
    Scarlet
stopped pacing and said, “Okay, let me get this straight. You are going to
drive to Iowa to —”
    Ollie
waved her hand in the air.
    “What?”
Scarlet asked.
    “I
object to your use of the word ‘straight,’” Ollie said.
    Claire
giggled. A sharp look from Scarlet made Claire swallow her laughter. “As I was
saying before I was so rudely interrupted,” Scarlet continued, “I didn’t want
her riding with you and she wouldn’t be if some idiot hadn’t smashed into her
car. Now, I have to drive it up there when the auto shop is finally finished
repairing it.” She crossed her arms over her ample chest. “I’m certainly not
going to let her live with you,” Scarlet declared in a barely controlled voice.
    Ollie
raised her hand in the air again.
    “What?
Why do you keep raising your hand?” Scarlet said.
    Ollie
ignored her question. “I object to your inference. It’s a really big house.
We’re house-sitting for a professor who’s on sabbatical. It’s not like we’re
not sharing a bedroom or anything.”
    “You
are moving to Iowa for three months and living in the same house as my fiancé
and you think I should be okay with this?”
    Ollie
stuck her hand in the air again.
    “What
now, Ollie?”
    “I
object to the word fiancé. I mean, can you really be engaged when she’s still
married?”
    “I
am not here to argue semantics,” Scarlet fumed. “And why the hell is that man
with the natty hair filming everything?”
    G-Ray
answered, “I’m making a documentary on lesbian divorces. I got a grant to do
the filming and that grant is totally paying our way, man. This divorce isn’t
going to cost you a nickel. Genius idea, am I right?”
    “We’re
not signing anything,” Scarlet declared. “I’m a lawyer, I know these things.
You can’t use our image unless we sign that it’s okay to do so.”
    Claire
cleared her throat. “Um… I already signed a waiver.”
    “What?”
Scarlet yelped. “You signed something without your lawyer looking at it?”
    “I
thought you would like it. It makes this whole thing free. And I know how you
like the word free .”
    “Well, I’m not signing anything,” Scarlet said.
    “You
don’t have to,” G-Ray said. “We can just blur your face. And as for the porno
incident earlier, I can put one of those black bars over your bleep.”
    “Did
you say bleep?” Scarlet said.
    Ollie
raised her hand.
    Scarlet
pointed at her.
    Ollie
supplied the missing word. “Pussy. He meant to say pussy.”
    “Yeah,
man, the P-word,” G-Ray said.
    Ollie
stuck her hand up in the air and waved it around.
    “Stop
raising your hand,” Scarlet said. “Just