Claire Voyant Read Free

days.
    But what I was dying to say was, I couldn’t believe people needed years to plan the affair. Jewish funerals were thrown together in less than forty-eight hours, and they had all the same things as a wedding. The rabbi, the chapel, flowers, speeches, limousines, guests…. And just like a funeral, once Elyce married this guy, her life was over.
    Not that I would fret over her future. I had returned to New York on a “Me” mission. Goal #1: Fall in love. Goal #2: Pursue opportunities unique to the East: Broadway, commercials, and most definitely, a visit to Law and Order ’s casting office in Chelsea Pier.
    Unfortunately, after reading BackStage diligently, it appeared that the open-call season was over. The only promising tryout I could line up was located a little south of the city. Specifically, South Beach, Florida. And it wasn’t exactly for a speaking part. More like a go-see at this hot modeling agency that specialized in booking asses for the studios.
    You heard me. I was so desperate to break into movies, I was flying to Florida to drop my thong in front of the gay photographer who owned the agency. So that after a few test shots, he could give me hisopinion if my aging but still pilates-tight tuchas was the perfect size, shape, and color producers would pay thousands for when their ass-ashamed stars needed an understudy, so to speak.
    I had learned of this incredible “back door” opportunity when my former roommate in L.A., Sydney Sloan, instant-messaged me.
    Â 
    SYDERELLA (11:56 PM): u should go…butt doubles can make a quick 10 gs
    CLAIREBEAR1(11:57 PM): r u serious that’s how much they’ll pay u?
    SYDERELLA (11:57 PM): i no this grl who made 20G to do a crappy little scene for Dana Donovan.
    CLAIREBEAR1 (11:57 PM): a love scene?
    SYDERELLA (11:58 PM): in the shower/// show her ass
    CLAIREBEAR1 (11:58 PM): wow
    SYDERELLA (11:58 PM): then Dana canned her…said her ass was 2 fat and pale…her fans would no its not hers…EGO bitch.
    CLAIREBEAR1(11:59 PM): did she still get the $?
    SYDERELLA (11:59 PM): hell yes.
    Â 
    Naturally, my parents thought the very idea of having my ass evaluated was ridiculous. Didn’t I have any pride? (Not for twenty grand I didn’t.) Didn’t I care what the neighbors thought? (Translated: How could they brag I was in a movie if they had to ask everyone to close their eyes?) Didn’t I want to help out Cousin Arnie who ran a drama school for kids? (Sorry, but my most valuable lesson was showing girls how to duct tape their breasts to give the appearance of being perkier.)
    But after reminding my parents that I didn’t need their approval, and that the connections the agency could make for me would be worth the humiliation, they backed down. Even agreed to pay for my airfare, provided I stayed with my grandmother (I call her Grams), and took her around to look at all the new assisted living centers going up in the area. It was a great plan.
    Until I ended up seated next to a heart attack victim on a flight without a single medical professional on board. Only a group of anxious flight attendants who looked much happier passing out headsets than operating high-tech life-saving equipment.
    Meanwhile, all I could think was, I sure hope God hadn’t put me in 8B as punishment for my growing list of transgressions. Yes, I had run out on my creditors, abandoned my agent, been unsympathetic to my parents, and judgmental of Elyce. And yes, I had just ignored a perfectly nice person for no other reason than I was in a pissy mood.
    So as I stood over the grayish-colored man whose name I never bothered to ask, I prayed for a miracle. Please God. Revive this man’s heart. Otherwise I’ll never be able to live with the fact that his last few hours alive were spent with me, Claire Greene, Not Very Nice Girl .

Chapter 2
    â€œH IS NAME IS A BRAHAM F ABRIKANT,” I BLURTED WHEN THE COPILOT emerged from the