Christy Miller's Diary Read Free

22
    Okay, DSF,
    Now all I can think about is kisses and kissing. I’m going to see Todd in a few days. What if he kisses me again like he did last summer? How many kisses do I want to give away? I’ve never thought this through before. I think kisses should mean something very special and should be given away very sparingly while I’m young. I’m 15, you know. Does that seem young to you? It does to me. At least it does today.
December 25
    Christmas Day
    Well, DSF,
    After all these long weeks of waiting, I finally saw Todd this morning. We had breakfast on the beach, as he promised. And now I’m perplexed.
    It seems that when dreams come true, they never turn out the same way you dreamed them. They twist and turn and disappoint, leaving you wanting so much more. I don’t know which to blame: The dream itself or the reality that dissolves the dream.
    Surely there has never been a more noncommittal guy on the face of the earth than Todd Spencer. He spent more time skim boarding on the beach with David this morning than he spent with me. And then he took off right after we were done eating, or should I say, done eating what the sea gulls left for us! He said he was going to Shawn’s parents’ house since this is the first Christmas since Shawn died. I know that was a good thing for him to do and a good reason for him to leave, but I can barely describe to you how I felt as I sat alone by the dwindling fire, watching Todd walk away. He was supposed to have his arms around me. Instead, his arms were full of camping gear.
    He didn’t even look back.
    This was our dream breakfast and it was over almost before it began. I’d have to say the best word to describe what I felt is abandoned. I felt forsaken. I know God will never abandon me or forsake me. I guess friends do sometimes. Even special friends. Even Todd.
    All I can say is that this week, I’ve got to find out where I stand with Todd. I need to know where our relationship is and where it’s going. This is too important to me to just let it go slipping away.
December 27
    You aren’t going to be very proud of me, my Dear Silent Friend,
    I played some pointless games today with my friends. The thing is, at the time, it didn’t seem like they were games or that I was doing anything I’d regret later. But now I feel awful. I wish I had this day to live over again.
    You see, we all went ice-skating. And Heather told me I should try to make Todd jealous by skating with Doug. Then Doug asked me to skate and we were pretty good. And it was fun. But you should have seen the way Todd looked at us.
    Then we went to eat and Todd kept giving me these puppy dog looks as if he wanted me to go sit next to him or maybe he just wanted me to see how left out he felt. I know that feeling. I’ve felt that way lots of times. I felt that way last summer when Todd took me to a concert. I thought it was just going to be the two of us and then it ended up being a whole bunch of people who were already friends and I felt so left out.
    It didn’t get much better after we left the restaurant. Doug gave me his jacket before we went into the restaurant because I was so cold and then Tracy was saying how cold she was when we left, so I gave his jacket to her and she gave me the strangest look. Then I figured it out. She didn’t want Doug’s jacket. She wanted Doug to put his arm around her!
    Tracy likes Doug!!!!!
    I didn’t see it before but it makes sense now. When she and I were making cookies the other day she said she was going to give some to a guy she liked but she wouldn’t tell me who he was. Now I know. It was Doug! And I spent the whole day skating and everything with Doug and she must have been so jealous.
    I have a headache thinking about all this. How am I going to patch things up so we can all be friends again? I’m only staying here at the beach at my aunt and uncle’s house for the rest of this week and then I go back home to Escondido. And I’m not looking forward to