Cat Tales Read Free Page B

woosy.”
    A brief chase.
    â€œMAO!”
    â€œOkay, so you have a collar, but no name on it. Real stupid little girl. She deserves to lose a prize flea-bag like you.”
    â€œPrrt.”
    â€œAt least you didn’t scratch me again.”
    Six hours elapse. Dusk gives way tonightfall. The air chills.
    â€œMao? Mao? Mao? Mao? Mao? Mao? Mao? MAO?
    MAO? MAOMAOMAOMAO?”
    A window opens.
    â€œShut up down there! Remember what I did the last time you woke me up?”
    Footsteps on stairs. Door opens.
    â€œMAOMAOMAOMAOMAOMAOMAOMAO!”
    â€œLet me guess. You’re cold, right? If I give you something to sleep on, you’ll get cat hair all over it. And fleas. And worms. I bet you have worms, eating garbage like that.”
    Door closes. Footsteps, sounds of rummaging. A piece of torn, dirty carpeting falls out of an upper window, THUMPS on the ground, raises billows of dust.
    â€œMao!”
    Silence.
    Seven hours elapse.
    Door opens. “Where are you? Did you spend the night under the rug? Great, now what do I do with this piece of shit? I suppose I have to leave it, in case it’s cold again tonight. A decorator touch for my entry.”
    Car door opens, closes, car speeds away.
    Nine hours elapse.
    â€œHere. For your majesty. It was cheap, and it looks better than that rug.”
    â€œMao. Prrt.”
    â€œThat’s right. Show some gratitude, you little rat. You look like a rat, did you know that? You aren’t much bigger than a rat. Well, hey, that’s what eating maggoty garbage does for you. Not exactly the breakfast of champions. I suppose if I give you a little milk you’ll think you can move in here, right? So I won’t.”
    â€œMao?”
    â€œNot a chance. Go find your supper somewhere else.”
    â€œMao? Mao?”
    â€œAnd stop rubbing cat hair all over my pants!”
    Door closes. Fifteen minutes elapse.
    â€œHere! Will that shut you up?”
    â€œPrrrrrrrrrrrr. Slup. Slup. Slup. Prrrrrrr. Slup slup slup slup slup slup slup.”
    â€œThat’s the last you get out of me. I probably don’t have enough left for my cereal in the morning.”
    Twenty-four hours elapse.
    â€œOkay, one more time. But I looked up the Animal Shelter on the web. It says they let you stay five days, and then it’s curtains for kitty cat. Okay? So I think you should move on.”
    Four hours elapse.
    â€œMao! Mao! Mao! Mao!”
    â€œLook I don’t have any chicken wings. How about some — french toast? Look, it’s good, it’s only been in the garbage since yesterday. Eat it. Eat it, you flea bag! It was good enough for me. Are you saying it’s not good enough for you? Here, I’ll butter it for you. Oh, you like that. Lick the butter off, huh?”
    â€œMao.”
    â€œNo! I will not put more butter on it! Eat the whole thing, bread and all.”
    Twenty-four hours elapse.
    â€œMao! Mao! Mao! Mao!”
    â€œWhy are you still crying? Didn’t you want the french toast? Yich! It’s got flies on it.”
    â€œWaka.”
    â€œWaka? What does that mean? Cats don’t say ‘waka.’ I’m not going to feed you if you don’t speak proper English.”
    â€œPrrt.”
    â€œWait a minute.”
    Car door slams. Car takes off.
    Twenty minutes elapse. Car pulls up. Car door slams.
    â€œOkay, you win. Cat food. This is probably a big mistake, but I’m not going out and buying you chicken wings.”
    Twelve hours elapse.
    â€œMao! Mao! Mao! Mao!”
    Footsteps stumble down stairs. Door opens.
    â€œAt three A.M. you think I’m going to feed you? Oh.
    Your water overturned on the cat bed. Shit. Here.
    Here’s an old sweatshirt.”
    â€œPrrt.”
    Four hours elapse.
    â€œHere. You didn’t ask for it, but I suppose you will.
    Here’s your damn cat food. It stinks. I hope you love it.”
    â€œMao.”
    â€œIs that your name, cat? Mao? Like Mao