Cat Tales Read Free Page A

a naturally black cat is to be sacrificed.”
    â€œThe money?” I asked hesitantly.
    â€œI’ve updated your bank account even as we speak. I am sure that you will find the amount deposited more than sufficient for your purposes.”
    It was in that moment, I felt most chilled and fearful. My offer had been accepted! The transaction had been completed! The money was in my bank account!
    My soul was doomed to Hell!
    â€œIs there anything else we can help you with?” the demon helper asked.
    â€œMy soul . . .” I whispered.
    â€œOh, yes, your soul. The Devil has decided to waive that particular condition. Frankly, between you and me, the Devil is most unhappy. He would prefer never to see or hear from you again. You made him feel fallible. He likes to have everything just so perfect all of the time and, as you have rightly, but annoyingly, pointed out, the website contained errors. There will be Hell to pay, I can assure you. Goodnight.”
    And with that the circuit went dead. I bent down to pick up Midnight. He cuddled into my arms, all soft and purring. It was only then I remembered I’d read on the internet that in some cultures black cats are actually lucky. I wondered how long his dye job would last.
    Geoffrey Maloney lives in Brisbane, Australia with his wife, Diana, his three daughters and their three cats. Geoffrey’s recent stories have appeared in the anthologies, When Graveyards Yawn from Crowswing Books, Agog Ripping Reads from Agog Press, and Fantastic Wonder Stories from Ticonderoga. A largely retrospective collection of Geoffrey’s short fiction, Tales from the Crypto-System is available from Prime Books.

SCOUT
    by Mary A. Turzillo
    S PRING EQUINOX. Whirring sound. Flashing lights. Whoosh of advanced propulsion system.
    â€œMao! Mao! Mao! Mao! Mao! Mao! Mao!”
    Door opens.
    â€œScat! Get away from here! Go home!”
    â€œMao!”
    Fifteen minutes elapse.
    â€œMao! Mao! Mao! Mao! Mao! Mao! Mao! Mao! Mao! Mao-ao-ao-ao!”
    â€œI told you, scat! Nothing for you here! Go home!”
    â€œMao! Mao!”
    â€œGo chase some mice. Or birds. I hate birds.”
    â€œMaomaomaomao-ao-ao-ao!”
    Splash. “There! Does that convince you? Now if I can just get back to sleep.”
    Six hours elapse.
    â€œWhat? You still here? Somebody dropped you, right? Threw you out of a car? Do you have a collar?”
    â€œYooooow! Ssssssss! Raaaaawooo!
    â€œOw! Forget it. Just be gone when I get home from work.”
    â€œPrrt.”
    Nine hours elapse. Car pulls up, door slams. Foot- steps.
    â€œGone. Thank God. I was scared somebody took me for the cat lady over on Prospect.”
    Six hours elapse. Door opens.
    â€œMao?”
    â€œGo away! I’m calling the Animal Warden and that’s it. Hear me? Smoked kitty. Nice cyanide gas. Get! Scat!”
    â€œMao?”
    â€œWhat are you doing? That has maggots on it. You can’t eat that!”
    â€œPrrrrrr.”
    â€œYou’re eating maggoty ham, and purring? That’s disgusting!”
    â€œPrrrrrrrrrrr.”
    â€œHow could anything get hungry enough to eat rotten meat? Wait a minute.”
    Door closes, opens again.
    â€œHere, here’s the rest of my chicken wings. Hope you like garlic honey sauce. They’re cold, anyway.”
    â€œPurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.”
    â€œGet away from my legs! I hate that. Didn’t I tell you I hate cats?”
    Door slams. Eight hours elapse.
    â€œThank God it’s gone. Found some other sucker.”
    Car door slams. Car starts, zooms away.
    Three days elapse.
    â€œMao, mao, mao, mao, mao, mao, mao.”
    â€œYou again? I don’t have any more chicken wings. And I don’t believe you if you say you’re lost, because you left here Friday and then came back.”
    â€œPrrt?”
    â€œLet me look at your collar. I bet some nice little stupid girl is just weeping her eyes out over you. Woosy woosy woosy