Cat Tales Read Free

didn’t wish to make a deal. Midnight had now fully recovered his senses. He was purring loudly and rubbing against my legs. I put the phone back up to my ear.
    â€œThis is the Devil, isn’t it?” I asked.
    â€œYes,” a weary voice said.
    â€œAnd you do do deals?”
    I imagined I heard somebody rapping their fingernails loudly and irritably on a heavy wooden table.
    â€œThe cat is grey,” the Devil said. “The instructions were very specific on that point, were they not?”
    â€œYes. Yes, they were,” I said, trying to sound as agreeable as possible.
    â€œAnd you are offering me a grey cat?” the Devil said. “Is that what you are doing?”
    â€œYou should see him,” I said. “He’s a beautiful black cat. Why, I have never seen a cat as beautiful and black as he is. He is simply a marvellous black. Blacker than any cat could naturally be. Sometimes modern technology can really improve on nature.”
    I bent down and patted Midnight on top of the head. He rubbed his nose against my fingers. Through the phone I heard a sharp intake of breath. I thought the connection was about to go dead, but it didn’t. Half a minute went by.
    â€œI went to a lot of trouble dyeing him the right colour,” I said. “I mean, people who just offer up naturally black cats don’t go to the trouble I did.”
    â€œI like black cats,” the Devil said.
    â€œHe really is very black,” I said. “There was nothing on the website that specified he had to be naturally black.”
    There was a long sigh. “There is another problem,” the Devil said. “You didn’t kill him.”
    â€œHe was dead. Most definitely. I know he’s alive now — I guess you had something to do with that, a sign of your powers, and wondrous they are indeed.”
    â€œYes, yes, yes, but you didn’t kill him. You are supposed to be making a black cat sacrifice to the Devil. You know what a sacrifice is, don’t you?”
    â€œUm, yes. Yes, I think I do.”
    â€œSo instead we have grey cat killed by a car? How do you think that makes me feel?”
    â€œI can understand that you might be a little unhappy,” I said, “but I have really been trying my best. The instructions said he had to be dead. And he was dead when I brought him here. The instructions didn’t mention anything about a sacrifice.”
    Another long sigh from the phone. Of course, I should not be arguing with the Devil, I thought; but really if the instructions weren’t correct what was I expected to do? If I had known I was supposed to actually kill a cat, I would have never thought of this solution in the first place. Besides, there were certain ethical considerations to be taken into account, even in dealing with the Devil. Honesty was paramount. I had followed the instructions as carefully as I could. Surely, even the Devil must see that.
    â€œWait!” came the Devil’s voice. He sounded very angry. I could hear fingers tapping on a keyboard, and then a voice roared out as if from the very depths of Hell itself. My body shook all over with the force of the sound. I waited for fire and brimstone to rise up and engulf me, but then a different voice came on the line.
    â€œHello. Thank you for waiting. Your patience is appreciated while we endeavour to rectify the problems you have been experiencing.”
    â€œThis is not the Devil, is it?”
    â€œI’m one of the demon helpers. Now what was it you wanted?”
    â€œTo sort out the problem about the sacrifice, so I can sell my soul, get some money and save my life.”
    â€œAll sorted,” the demon helper chirped.
    â€œI don’t understand,” I said.
    â€œYou offered one grey, road-kill cat; and — under the circumstances — it has been agreed that is acceptable. The website has been updated so that in future it will be abundantly clear to others that