Carpe Diem Read Free Page B

back to me
    “You’re welcome to stay. We are reminiscing and going through some old pictures for the service.”
    “I don’t want to intrude, besides I could use some sleep myself.”
    “I understand completely. Let me walk you out.”
    Part of me was scared to let Flynn leave; it was nice having him here. It made me feel as if he arrived early for plans he and Jack had made and we were sitting here hanging out waiting for Jack to get home from a meeting that ran long. Once Flynn leaves, that illusion will be gone and I will have to return to reality once again.
    “I will check in on you tomorrow, if that is okay,” Flynn says as he steps onto the front porch.
    “Thank you, that would be nice.”
     

     
    My eyes pop open before the sun has risen, Bryna fast asleep beside me. I don’t want to wake her, she had such a hard time falling asleep, and I want her to get as much rest as she can. Today is going to be hard for both of us. I should try to get more sleep, two hours will not be enough, but my mind is awake and running through the list of things that will need to be done. Before I can talk my brain into letting me rest a little longer, my bladder starts to yell at me. With that, I carefully roll out of bed, gently placing my feet on the hardwood floor. As I tiptoe to the bathroom, I become painfully aware of how quiet and still the house has become compared to the noise and emotions it was filled with only yesterday. It vaguely reminds me of the day we moved Bryna to the dorms her freshman year. I remember Jack and I were so proud of her that day. She was able to start an adventure we did not get the chance to take.
    I walk through the house, careful not to make any noise. Casey is asleep in the spare room, and Abby is asleep on the couch. I make a cup of tea and walk out onto the front porch. The neighborhood is starting to wake up, the birds are starting to sing their morning songs, the sprinklers two houses down have come on to give the grass a morning drink, and the sun is finally starting to peek over the horizon.
    As I sit on my porch swing watching the sunrise, I can’t help but feel a little peace for the first time since the knock at my door yesterday. The warmth of the sun heating the cool morning air, the squirrel dashing across the street to run up his favorite tree, the woman down the street that is taking her dog for a walk, it all feels so normal. The daily routines of those around me are still going on as if nothing has happened. It is the first sign that life will go on, whether I want it to or not.
    “Good morning, you’re up early.”
    The words pull me from my thoughts; it’s Flynn. What is he doing here so early?
    “Hey, what are you doing up at this hour?” I ask.
    “I couldn’t sleep,” he replies.
    “Have you been walking all night?” I ask, taking a sip of my tea.
    “Not all night, just since about two this morning.” He smiles awkwardly.
    “Well, I would say close enough. Where did you go?”
    “Oh here and there. Then before I knew it, I found myself walking here.”
    Flynn doesn’t live very far from us, I would say five miles at most. The idea of him wandering around in the middle of the night actually makes me feel better, as bitchy as that may sound. Knowing that it was not only me tossing and turning while the knock at the door replayed over and over in my head. All I could hear when I closed my eyes were the voices of the detectives telling me my husband was dead. Dead, the man I loved and planned to spend the rest of my life with was dead. The images of us growing old together were gone from my imagination. The dreams of sitting on this very porch while watching our grandkids play in the yard had been crushed.
    “Hello? You in there?” Flynn asks as he waves his hand in front of my face.
    “I’m sorry. I must have zoned out there for a minute,” I reply, slightly embarrassed.
    “I’d say, you were in a whole other dimension if I didn’t know better.”