Calamity Jayne Rides Again Read Free Page A

I figured Frankie stepped out to use the john, but I've been manning the order window
     for two freaking hours!" The ranger threw the apron on the counter. "I'm outta here."
    "Hey! What? Where are you going?"
    "Back to the comfortable and familiar world of reptiles and raptors. And as far as I'm concerned, if I never see another freaking
     ice cream cone it will be okay by me." He headed toward the exit.
    "Hey, Mr. Ranger, sir!" I yelled. "You forgot your dip cone!"
    I giggled a bit and then caught a look at the line of angry customers with facial expressions reminiscent of a group of disappointed
     sports fans about to tip something over. Or Democrats after their 2004 presidential election exit polls proved unreliable.
     I sobered. Where the devil was that Oscar Meyer cousin of mine, anyway?

CHAPTER 2
    I closed up around midnight, too tired to even snitch a treat for the road. I was still royally ticked at Frankie and suspected
     his little disappearing act had everything to do with his campaign to show Uncle Frank he was serious about passing on the
     passing on of the family business. Enough complaints to the Fair Board, and they might decide not to renew Uncle Frank's business
     license!
    I made my way in the direction of the Ice Cream Emporium. I wanted to let Uncle Frank know his son had deserted his post,
     and to warn Frankie to maintain a low profile where Ranger Rick Townsend was concerned—at least until the ranger defrosted
     a bit.
    The Emporium was dark as I approached, and I frowned, thinking it was way too early for Uncle Frank to call it a night, especially
     on the eve of opening day. I made my way to the front door, pausing when I saw it standing open. I stood for a moment, nibbling
     my lip, recalling my recent past of stumbling upon dead bodies and murderers. I shook my head. Nah. Lightning didn't strike
     in the same place twice. I'd found my quota of stiffs. The chances of that happening again were about the same as the odds
     of finding a good-looking cowboy wearing nothin' but a smile and a Stetson, waiting up for me in my folks' camper.
    I inched the door open. "Uncle Frank? Frankie? Hello? Anybody here?" I stepped into the ice cream parlor and reached for the
     light switch. "Come out, come out, wherever you are," I said, and flipped the switch.
    The floor seemed to come alive. Dark shapes scurried toward the corners and under the tables. I stepped in and heard a pop
     and a crunch and felt a tickling on my toes. I looked down to see several large, butt-ugly cockroaches skittering across my
     bare foot. I screamed and stomped my foot. Snap, crackle, pop!
    I gazed about the room. There were hundreds of the filthy things! Several ran a race across Uncle Frank's shiny white countertop.
     More scrambled off the refrigerated unit where we kept the most popular flavors for scooping.
    I ran around the counter, grabbed Uncle Frank's pushbroom, and started sweeping the gross bugs up, shaking stragglers off
     my feet and trying not to gag. When I had a huge pile of the disgusting buggers collected, I swept them toward the door.
    "Good God! What the hell?"
    I grimaced when I recognized the person belonging to that voice.
    "What is this shit?" preceded more stomping and snap-crackle-crunching.
    I shook my broom over Rick Townsend's tennis shoe-clad foot. "They're cockroaches!" I said, still grossed out by that reality.
     "Hundreds of them. Everywhere!"
    "How the hell did this many cockroaches get in here?" Townsend asked, taking mincing steps across the floor and behind the
     counter. "Jeezus. What an army! What's going on here?"
    I shook my head. "Don't ask me. I was on my way up to the campground and decided to stop and see if Frankie had performed
     his mea culpas with Uncle Frank, and found the door wide open. When I switched on the lights, it was like I was the Orkin
     man or something!"
    "Where's your uncle?" Townsend said, grabbing a state fair guidebook and flicking roaches off the counter onto the