Broken Hearts Damaged Goods Read Free

was
passed out, I didn’t have to worry about him talking to me and saying things
that I didn’t really care about.
    This must be what it is like to be a man.
    I can’t say that I enjoy acting like a man.  The
being able to orgasm and then quit part is kind of fun, but I didn’t really
like him not being present, except in dick only.  It was a kind of shallow sex,
even more so than a random hookup.
    And I did want to talk to him, even if I hated him a
little bit at that moment.  I wanted him to hold me and do everything that I
have wanted him to do since we came back to school.  I just can’t get him to
understand this.
    I would talk to him about it, but there’s no good
way to bring that kind of thing up to a guy.  If I tried to talk to him about
it, it would just cause a fight.  Or he would zone out, and I would get pissed
off.  He would then ask me what’s wrong.  I would say, “Nothing.”  He would
push me for an answer.  Guys can never tell when you want to talk about
something until you get so mad about it that you don’t really want to talk
about.  At that point, it should be obvious what is wrong.  But they still
can’t figure it out, so press you for an answer so that they can fix the
problem.  The only problem is that the problem should have been fixed a long
time ago.
    I mean, I shouldn’t have to have sex with my boyfriend
when he is drunk and passed out.  And it sure as hell shouldn’t be the best sex
I’ve had in a while.  And I shouldn’t feel guilty for having sex with my
boyfriend, except that I know that it amounted to rape.
    As much I want to try to justify it all the way a
guy would, I feel bad about it.  Now I kind of have to stay with him to help to
rebuild the trust that I just destroyed.  But I don’t feel like I can tell him
what I’ve done.  I know that I should.
    Do guys care if they weren’t awake for sex?  I know
that most are just happy to get some.  The only problem is that he didn’t
really get some this time.  With how much he had to drink and with me just
using him to get off, I pretty much left him with blue balls.
    I don’t really think the blue balls were my fault. 
With as much as he had to drink, part of his body was telling him to pee. 
There was another part of his body telling him that he was aroused.  I just
sided with the part of the body that was aroused.  So in a way, I was really
just listening to and responding to his unspoken cues.
    I think it is best to just not mention this to him.

Aug. 29, 2010
    So I told Steve that I raped him.  We then got into
a huge fight that he somehow won.  I mean, he wasn’t even really upset that I
raped him.  He was just mad that we had unprotected sex.  He said he didn’t
want to get me pregnant.  He said he’s not ready to be a father, and that if I
do get pregnant, he’s not going to take care of the kid.
    I told him I was on the pill.  Plus I told him that
he didn’t cum last night.  I then started into my defense, which included
bringing up all of the problems we have been having since we got back to
school.
    He denied us having any problems and said that a
normal person would actually discuss their problems with their boyfriend and
not take advantage of them.
    And I couldn’t really argue with that.  But when I
tried to bring up our problems as a couple, he made me sound crazy or like one
of those crazy psycho-sluts.  I just wanted to talk to him about everything
that was wrong with us as a couple, and he blew me off.
    We’re supposed to go out in a few days.  He wants
some time to think things over.
    We’re not on a break or anything.  I think he is
doing a power move here.  He wants to act like he is punishing me and make it
seem like he is right in this matter so that we don’t have to actually talk
about our problems.
    If I let him get away with this, we will never
discuss what is wrong.  The only problem is that I can’t break up with him
after having just raped him.