Blazed Read Free

this.”
    She makes another face. “And what are you going to do, huh? Where are you going to go?”
    The fact that she’s being so fucking evil to me right now is really making me resent her.
    I don’t say anything.
    And she says, “I’m all you have, Jaime.”
    Stopping a few feet in front of her, I say, “Oh yeah? What about my father?”
    The way her face contorts, well, I wouldn’t wish this image on my worst enemy.
    My breath leaves my lungs.
    My face turns white like snow.
    My mouth goes dry.
    â€œHow dare you?” she rips. “After what he did to me, the way he ruined my life. You have the fucking nerve to stand there and say that to me.”
    â€œI don’t know anything about him except from the things you’ve told me. I bet if I went to live with him in San Francisco, he wouldn’t put me through this kind of shit.”
    My mother’s reaction sends chills down my body.
    I’ve never seen anything this wild.
    â€œExcuse me,” my mother whispers.
    I double down.
    No way I’m backing off.
    I say, “All you do is demand things from me. Perfect piano playing. Perfect guitar playing. Demanding I debate Sartre for hours. And I’ve never complained. I always do what you want.”
    â€œYou don’t have any friends.”
    â€œI don’t have time for friends.”
    â€œWhy are you saying all these mean things to me?” she cries.
    â€œBecause I do everything you tell me to. Every fucking thing. And the only thing I’m asking of you is that you stop this madness before one of us gets hurt or dies.”
    â€œJust shut up!” she yells. “You’re not making any sense.”
    I look away from her and bury my face in my hands.
    â€œI can’t stop,” she barks. “I need this. It’s the only way I can deal with this horrible life.”
    Shaking my head slowly, I go, “Then maybe it’s time for me to go to San Francisco.”
    This bloodcurdling scream just unleashes from the pit of my mother’s gut and she runs at me, grabbing my shoulders and pushing me into the wall.
    My head slams so hard that chunks of plaster rain down.
    â€œStop it,” I tell her. “Why are you doing this?”
    â€œTake it back,” she says.
    â€œWhat?”
    â€œYour father did this to me,” she barks. “He did this !”
    Then—
    POW!
    Her right fist slams into my left eye. The rings on her fingers gouge flesh on my cheek.
    My ears ring.
    Then—
    WHAM!
    The same knuckles pound against my temple.
    This time, though, I grab ahold of her arms and beg for her to stop while she furiously tries to shake herself loose.
    My grip tightens.
    And she starts crying.
    â€œJust stop it,” I beg again. “Leave me alone.”
    Her whole body goes limp. She looks so worn.
    She stops fighting, and I let go of her, and she falls down, curling up into a fetal position.
    â€œI’m so sorry,” she sobs, over and over and over. “I’m so sorry for bringing you into this hell.”
    Blood’s running down my face.
    I grab a paper towel from the kitchen and hold it against the cut.
    I wanna vomit.
    I don’t recognize this lady right now.
    The greatest woman that ever lived.
    At least she used to be. Until a minute ago.
    The only things I’m thinking are how pathetic she’s acting and how skinny she’s gotten.
    How beautiful her skin and hair still are, and how fucking thrilled I am knowing she won’t remember any of this tomorrow.
    She’ll never know what she did.
    I’ll never tell her.
    My mother, she deserves way better than that.
    She deserves my silence.

6.
    IT’S FOUR A.M. WHEN THE Morrissey records stop spinning downstairs. I can hear stairs creak next. Every time one does, I wince and my body shakes.
    I hold my breath until her bedroom door finally shuts.
    A couple minutes later, I smell the dope she’s