Battle of the Dum Diddys Read Free Page B

are battling the Knighty Knight Knights,” he said.
    I pinched their cheeks. “You two are definitely Dum Diddys,” I said. “How can you waste your time on a stupid game?”
    â€œWungo Warriors isn’t a game,” Crench said. “It’s a battle to the death. If the Knighty Knight Knights win this Battle of Heartburnia, we’ll have to pay a battle tax to the great Wungo Wango.”
    I slapped my forehead. “Please—speak English! What’s wrong with you two?”
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    â€œListen to me, dudes,” I said. “Remember what I overheard in Upchuck’s office? The inspectors are coming on Saturday, and they’re going to shut downthe school. We’ve got to act fast. Don’t you want to go to your next school with your pockets full of bubus?”
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    Okay. That didn’t work. I decided to try a different approach.
    â€œDon’t you care about your school?” I asked. “Don’t you have any feeling at all for this wonderful place? Don’t you have any heart ?”
    They both turned away from the laptop and stared at me.
    I put my arms around their shoulders. “We’re good buddies, right?” I said. “And we’ve had wonderful times here. Great, great memories.” I let a few tears fall from my eyes.
    â€œYou okay, Bernie?” Feenman asked.
    â€œI…I just can’t believe our school could be gone in a few days,” I said. I let my voice tremble. “Don’t you guys remember all the good times? Remember when Headmaster Upchuck fell into Pooper’s Pond, and we had to pull a minnow out of his nose? Remember when Mrs. Heinie lost her glasses andwalked right into a bulldozer? Remember when the chef accidentally put poison ivy into the salad?”
    â€œGood times,” Crench said.
    â€œYeah. Lotsa good memories,” Feenman said.
    â€œWell, don’t you want to cash in before the good memories are gone forever?” I asked.
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Chapter 9
THE SLAUGHTER BEGINS
    Belzer came bobbing into the room. He flashed me his lopsided grin. I keep meaning to take my pliers and straighten his teeth for him. That’s how much I care about my guys.
    â€œBelzer,” I said, putting my arm around his shoulders. “These two guys have gone totally nutso. I’m glad to see you.”
    Belzer blinked several times. “What was that about tinkling?” he asked.
    â€œForget about that,” I said. “Belzer, I’ve got two cases of Foamy Root Beer hidden under my bed. Pullthem out and carry them downstairs. We’ll sell them to the second graders for three dollars a can.”
    Belzer shook his head. “I can’t, Big B.”
    Huh? Belzer saying no ?
    â€œWhy not?” I asked.
    â€œI’m not Belzer,” he said. “I’m Prince Barfo of Barfolonia.”
    Has EVERYONE gone NUTS???

    I hurried back to my room. “YOWWWWW!” I tripped over the big trunk on the floor—and fell on my face.
    I forgot about the trunk. The pageant costumes from Mrs. Twinkler were inside.
    With a groan, I pulled myself to my feet. I had to find some dudes who wanted to lose money to Bernie B. I stuffed a deck of cards into my back pocket and hurried downstairs to search the dorm.
    â€œDon’t give up, Bernie,” I told myself. “You’re the great Bernie B. You can’t give up!”
    You know the Bernie Bridges motto: A quitter never wins, and a winner never gives back the bubus he’s won.
    My first stop was my buddy Chipmunk’s room. Chipmunk is a good guy, but he’s a little shy. His hobby is hiding under the bed and pretending he’s invisible.
    I knocked on Chipmunk’s door. He’s too shy to say “Come in.” So I barged right into the room.
    He was hunched over his laptop.
    â€œYo, Chipper,” I said. “How’s the