Battle of the Dum Diddys Read Free Page A

is a real actor. He’s gonna be terrific.”
    Belzer blinked five or six times. He always blinks when he’s thinking hard. “Practicing? Practicing what , Bernie?”
    I slapped my hand over his mouth.
    â€œDid you ever hear such enthusiasm?” I asked her. “He’s gonna steal the show!”
    â€œShow?” Belzer mumbled behind my hand. “Is there gonna be a show? Will they have popcorn?”
    â€œHa-ha.” I tossed back my head and laughed. “What a joker! You’re gonna be proud of him, Mrs. T.!”
    She flashed us her sparkling grin. “I’m proud of both of you,” she said. “Twinkle and shine, boys. Remember—always twinkle and shine!”
    She walked off, shaking her nephew’s head.
    â€œDid she say tinkle ?” Belzer asked, blinking hard.
    I pulled Belzer up from his knees. “I don’t think so,” I said. I brushed Belzer off.
    â€œWhat kind of show was she talking about?” he asked.
    â€œSome kind of dumb pageant,” I said. “Don’t worry about it. It’ll never happen. The school will probably be shut down by then.”
    I had more important things to think about. I hurried to see my buddies, Feenman and Crench. The clock was ticking. I needed their help.

Chapter 8
GOOD MEMORIES
    I ran up the two flights of stairs to my room. Their room is across the hall from mine. I could hear loud shouts and screams coming from inside.
    Probably doing their Three Stooges act, I decided. Feenman and Crench love to kick and slap and head-butt each other and poke each other’s eyes out. It’s a total riot—especially if you like pain.
    I pushed open the door and stepped inside their room. A blast of hot, steamy air hit my face. It’s always hot in their room. The room used to be a closet.
    â€œWhoa! I don’t believe this!” I cried.
    Feenman and Crench weren’t poking and slapping each other. They were hunched over a laptop, staring at the screen. Crench frantically moved the mouse, clicking it again and again.
    The shouts and cries came from the laptop.
    â€œGive me a break,” I said, stepping up beside them. “What’s up with this?”
    Feenman raised a finger to his lips. “Shhhh. It’s the Battle of Heartburnia.”
    I gasped. “The WHAT??”
    He shushed me again.
    An armored knight on the screen had a long spear shoved through his chest. It went all the way through him and came out the other side.
    Â 
    â€œYOOOOWWWWWW!”
    Feenman screamed, as if he was the one who got skewered.
    â€œBet that hurts,” I muttered.
    Feenman held his chest, gasping for air.
    â€œWant a Band-Aid?” I asked.
    â€œShhhh.” It was Crench’s turn to shush me. He had his face right up against the screen. He clicked the mouse furiously. “Gotcha! Gotcha! Gotcha!” he screamed.
    â€œWe have to use our swords,” Feenman told me. “We don’t have enough weapon points to buy fireballs.”
    â€œWe spent all our bubus on a horse,” Crench said.
    Â 
    CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK.
    Â 
    â€œYou WHAT?” I cried. “Spent all your bubus? What’s a bubu? Have you both gone nuts?”
    Â 
    CLICK-CLICKCLICKCLICK!
    Â 
    â€œWill you two stop ?” I screamed.
    They both spun around. But Crench kept clicking the mouse. I guess he couldn’t stop his finger.
    â€œWe can’t take a break in the middle of a battle,” Crench said. “Do you want our knights to lose the big wing-wang?”
    â€œStop talking baby talk!” I shouted. “You’re startingto scare me. I need you guys for a real-life emergency.”
    Feenman scratched his head. “Real life?”
    â€œWe can’t help you,” Crench said. “We’re too busy. We’re the Doo-Wah-Diddy Dragons.”
    Feenman nodded. His hair fell over his face. He looked a lot better that way.
    â€œThe Doo-Wah-Diddy Dragons