Back to the Fuchsia Read Free

with the paranormal. Am I right?”
    “Yes. And now I’m wondering if you have the power to read my mind. And let me tell you, the mere thought of that is fairly unsettling.”
    “I think I know you better than you know yourself these days. You’re not too hard to figure out, you know.”
    The cheesy grin on Randy’s face grew larger by the second.
    “Now, before you go jumping to conclusions, remember that you—I should say we—have been involved in a lot of magical disasters. So your brain is simply reacting to the earthquakes as if we somehow have a hand in it.”
    Unlike the laid back, happy Randy I was used to, his expression took a sudden turn for the serious.
    “You need to stop it. We haven’t done anything. There have always been random earthquakes for millions of years. Guess what? They are unpredictable. It has nothing to do with us. Please don’t make it our problem. Just relax. Now pick a new topic. Talk about something else.”
    “Sure. All right.” I jumped at the chance to mess with him. “Let’s talk about your sex life.”
    “What sex life? I wouldn’t have less sex if I were on the dark side of the moon.”
    “I thought you and Gary…were…you know.”
    “What? Lovers? Just because we are both gay and good friends? Please. It’s a little insulting.”
    “Don’t go pulling that line on me, Randy. I’ve seen you two together, going out. I see how you look at him, how you talk to him, the way you act when he’s around. You like him far more than you’re letting on. So, what’s going on?”
    “Fine, maybe I like him. Okay, I like him a lot. For just once in my life…ugh. I just don’t want to mess things up. I’ve never had a long-term relationship. You know, the meaningful kind. I’ve never been in…I’m not even sure how to go about whatever you want to call it.”
    “Whatever?” I couldn’t have been struck with more disbelief if he’d grown a pair of antlers right there at the breakfast table.
    “Jaysus almighty! We’re not plottin’ a murder. It’s love! It’s only love we’re talking about, you jug head!”
    I took away his paper again and freshened his goose egg with another whack on the head. I handed the paper back. “Do you honestly think you’ll ever have something special if you’re scared to death of it? I think you need to get help. Just like Brad and I did.”
    Darcy leapt onto the countertop, pounced on my wand, and delivered it to my open palm. “Thank you, Darcy. Now, let’s make love—uh…” My mouth froze while my brain reset its speech function. “That didn’t come out right.” Clearing my throat, I continued, “Let’s get you some lovin’. You know what I mean.”
    “Stop! No. No magic intervention. For now at least.”
    With a wink, I blew him a kiss and handed the wand back to Darcy. “You’ve got nothing to be afraid of, Randy.”
    “Maybe we should switch this around? Let’s talk about you and Brad. Let’s talk about your sex life.”
    “What about us? We’re fine. Mostly.”
    Never in a million years would I tell Brad that he and I were mostly fine. Brad’s fiery passion had dropped down a notch or two. On four occasions in the past month, Brad suggested that we catch up on sleep rather than enjoy nightly playtime. It was like missing out on playtime once a week! I hoped Brad wasn’t losing interest, after all, I had at least a hundred years of sex to catch up on.
    “But you sure as hell aren’t quiet. Did you know I have to go to sleep with headphones on? It sounds like a pair of drunken chimpanzees tearing up your room. It took me a few nights to figure out why you suddenly start shouting like a pirate—an Irish pirate. It’s when you’re—”
    I could feel my face flush as red as a ripe tomato, and there was nothing I could do other than wave my hand.
    “Stop right there, Randy. No need to elaborate. Sorry about that. We’ll try to be a little more discreet.”
    I knew I had to shut him up before he started