B00BUGFFGW EBOK Read Free Page B

characters, in different ways
    i just read another 30 pages of 'the easter parade' in the bathtub. someone i sometimes have sex with text messaged me. i am never going to be the woman he wants and he is never going to be the man i want, but we will probably resemble 'ultimate things we want in a mate' to each other for awhile and may continue having casual sex
    i'm bored and tired of relationships. i feel like emily grimes, except i'm not naturally 'very skinny' like she is. i have to make an effort to be skinny. if i didn't monitor my food intake, i would probably be one of those 'chubby art girls.' i've lost almost ten pounds. i can wear a size four again. i feel good
    today i ate: odwalla 'food bar,' orange, handful pistachios, five triscuits with hummus, four almonds. i drank coffee, green tea, hot chocolate and peppermint schnapps, vodka lemonade, amaretto lemonade. i'm trying to drink all the shitty alcohol i have so i can replace it with better alcohol. it feels hard to concentrate on one subject right now. i'm getting drunk. more drunk
    it is snowing. snow alleviates my mood 10% automatically
    i like night better than day
    i don't know if i can drink all this, i'm starting to feel sick/dehydrated
    some dynamics in my family and interpersonal relationships relate 100% directly to dynamics in 'the easter parade' in a way that almost feels eerie. i don't think this book will have a happy ending and i will probably over-identify with it
    i want to eat chinese food
    i want to wrap myself in a burrito of bedding
    i want to skip classes and work tomorrow
    i want to be quiet for 50 hours
    i want to eat ten chicken nuggets

2.05.09
    last night i ate a quesadilla, crab dip, and garlic fries with my coworker and felt sick and threw up
    tonight i ate some kind of cheese sandwich and now i feel sick and want to throw up
    i think i have a dairy problem
    john stamos is on 'e.r.' right now, what is he doing on 'e.r.,' seems really bizarre
    i had my poetry workshop tonight
    everyone in workshop is very nice to each other and no one says negative things. seems like people are afraid of each other
    at my old school i took a poetry workshop and it seemed like everyone wanted to attack each other and i felt afraid
    i said some 'negative' things tonight kind of, i think. i would say when i didn't understand the intention of a poem. i felt nervous every time i talked. when i read my poem i couldn't see anything but the paper and i became visibly anxious, like shaking physically and vocally
    things happen in my life now kind of
    there are people who call me
    i am always 'doing something'
    there is always 'a place to be'
    i feel 35% positive about it
    sometimes being with people is fun but other times it feels like i'm operating myself from a distance, telling myself i'm having a good time
    i am an introverted person but i like approval
    john stamos probably thinks he’ll be the new george clooney someday

2.09.09
    getting drunk by myself and watching 'america's next top model'
    there is a restaurant near me called 'thai landing'
    i want to start calling it 'thailanding,' like the verb 'to thailand'
    national bohemian beer and rum and diet ginger ale
    loud noises have been coming from my ceiling all night
    the people who lived above my first apartment used to play 'dance dance revolution' and stomp their feet loudly
    one time i used a broom to hit the ceiling to make them stop
    chunks of plaster fell and then there was a hole in the ceiling
    not a big enough hole to see upstairs
    my jeans smell like saltine crackers
    tyra banks has a very different view of reality than mine, i think
    we learned about the relationship between sensation and perception in my history and systems of psychology class today
    that is my favorite class
    i take notes for deaf people in that class because when the sign language interpreter asked me on the first day it felt too hard to tell her 'no'

2.11.09
    when i go outside i try to mentally will the world to 'missed