legs sticking to the pew, and hoping no one would recognize me. It wasnât just sweat that made me uncomfortable or that I was still wearing athletic clothes. It was the memory of my mother storming out of this church and dragging me with her. It was the sound of Pastor Meyerâs voice, then and now.
Thatâs when I heard a sound I wasnât expecting.
Giggling.
Evaâs giggling.
She had her makeup compact open. I looked back at the pastor and saw him squinting. Thatâs when I realized what she was doing. The last sunlight of the day was shining through the stained glass windows, and Eva was using the mirror in her compact to redirect it toward the altar.
Into Pastor Meyerâs face.
The pastor squinted and blocked the light with a forearm as the congregation turned their heads and followed the beam of light to the back of the church. Evaâs parents were sitting several rows up. They were the first ones to locate the lightâs source. Maybe Eva had pulled this stunt before. They swiped their hands across their throats, the universal sign for
Cut it out
!
By the time Eva closed the compact, the whole congregation was glaring at herâand I didnât blame them. But that doesnât mean I joined them. I giggled with Eva.
Eva had been right. Church really
could
be fun.
Except it was weird. Afterward, Eva was no longer in a laughing mood. Maybe her parents had scolded her. Or maybe it was because of something I said.
âYou went to church so much,â I said to her over the phone. âI was worried you were like super religious.â
There was a pause.
âI
am
super religious,â Eva said. âWhy would you say Iâm not?â
âI just thought âyou know, because of the prank you pulledââ
âJust because the pastor is boring doesnât mean I donât believe what he says.â
Like I saidâit was weird. At church, sheâd been laughing. But she had turned deadly serious.
I changed the subject. âWe still playing soccer tomorrow?â
âWhoop!â Eva said.
A
couple hours after the Ironwood game, Iâm in my bedroom, juggling my soccer ball. I should be happy. We won the game, and this time I didnât have any major screwups.
Eva may have been annoying, but annoying is better than nasty. Iâll take what I can get.
Yeahâhappy. Thatâs what I should be. So why arenât I?
As Iâm thinking all this, I try to keep the ball in the air with my feet and thighs. My eyes are fixed on the ball as it drops onto the laces of my left cleat. Belle is on my bed, her eyes moving up and down with the ball too.
Mom took me out to eat after the game and asked why I donât hang out with Eva anymore. I lied and told her that Iâd been too busy studying to worry about my social life. She was impressed. Somehow or other, she blames last yearâs suspension on my grades. No matter how many times I remind her that I was suspended for cutting class, not failing it, she still blames my classroom performance. Itâs weird because Iâm not that bad of a student. I mean, Iâm not pulling As out of my pockets, but I get a lot of Bs and Cs.
I felt bad lying to my mom about why I donât hang out with Eva anymore, but I didnât have a choice. If I had listed all the things Evaâs been doing to me, Mom wouldâve made a huge deal about it. So would my teammates, come to think of it. If Mom did know the whole situation, sheâd try to convince me to tell Coach and anyone else who could help. Sheâd have told me to take a stand against injustice. Momâs a social activist. So for her, thereâs no issue that isnât worth fighting for.
Thatâs what she was doing three years ago when she left the church: fighting on my behalf. The pastor at New Hope said that two girls liking each other
that way
was a sinâthe word he used was
abomination
. Mom dragged me out