Anything But Zombies Read Free Page B

gathering outside. It seemed there was more all the time. This called for drastic action. It called for a man with a plan, someone at least as cunning as the sex dolls themselves. And that man was Chic Mendelhouse, IC specialist and XXX customer service rep, three-time winner of the coveted Rubber Nipple Award.
    â€œI have a plan,” he said. “It might be foolish, it’s certainly dangerous. But if anyone would like to throw caution to the wind and fight at my side, we might just have a chance. Who’s with me?”
    The silence that fell over the room was nearly catastrophic. The only sounds were the rubbery squeaking of the dolls outside.
    â€œWhat’s your idea?” Barbara asked.
    â€œDeflation,” Chic said. “A mass deflation.” He looked over at Kasey. “Riddle me this. What if you’re at a trade show like Beaver Expo or CumCon and you need to inflate fifty erotic companions in under ten minutes? What do you do?”
    Kasey thought about it. From the look on her face, it was obvious she was considering the subtle nuances and philosophical implications of the problem. “Well,” she said. “I guess you pretend you’re at a frat party and you get down on your knees and start blowing.”
    Chic chuckled. “No, no, no, my silly little pickle. That would take forever. What you do instead, is to avail yourself of perhaps the most dynamic and revolutionary love doll accessory known in the free world: the MagnaBlow 4500 Auto Inflator. With that piece of hardware, you easily tap into the software packages of each and every doll within broadcast range, activating the auto-inflate mechanisms in each.”
    â€œYou lost me,” Bill admitted.
    â€œWe inflate a bunch of dolls at the same time?” Kasey asked.
    â€œNo, we deflate them en masse. There’s a MagnaBlow 4500 in the back of my van. It’s a standard utility. And in our case, it just might be a lifesaver.”
    â€œI’m with you,” Barbara said.
    Chic nodded. “All right. Let’s take our world back.”
    Together, throwing caution to the wind, they stood at the door. There would either be victory or a mass orgy of nightmarish proportions.
Five: Big Cobb
    Meanwhile, some miles away, the troops were on the march in a massive counterstrike against the rampaging erotic companions. They were being led by County Sheriff Bob Cobb, aka “Big Cobb.” He was marshaling his forces for a massive thrust that would bring the army of animated sex dolls to their knees where, as he told one reporter, they belonged. They had put down no less than twenty-six of them in the past hour or so, and they were just warming up.
    â€œWe’re making pretty good progress,” he said. “God knows where all these things are coming from, but we’re putting ’em down and sending ’em back. There’s no way in hell we’re going to knuckle under to a bunch of Sexie Sadies and Mary Lou Bend-and-Screws. Just no goddamn way.”
    Deputies and militiamen were moving everywhere, trucks unloading fresh troops and supplies. It was war to the teeth now.
    â€œWhat’s the best way to deal with these things?” the reporter asked.
    Sheriff Cobb considered that. “Nail guns with compressor backpacks. That way, a trooper has mobility and serious firepower. The nails put the dolls down every time. We were using guns at first . . . but, well, that didn’t work so good. The bullets tend to pass right through the dolls and kill men on the other side. We lost five boys that way already.”
    â€œTell me, Sheriff, would I have a chance with four or five of these things?”
    â€œHell yes. They’re more than willing to please.”
    â€œNo, no, Sheriff, I mean if I had some of them attacking me.”
    â€œOh . . . um . . . sure. Maybe. Nail gun is the thing. Pop ’em and drop ’em.”
    Three men came in,