Ant Farm: And Other Desperate Situations Read Free Page A

as cool because he also played hockey for the Fort Wayne Warriors! He only dated my mom once, so I only had one chance to talk to him. Still, it was pretty awesome. It was in the middle of the night. I couldn’t sleep, so I went to the kitchenette and there he was , Olaf Seidenberg, in my house! I asked him to sign my regulation pucks and he said he would. He couldn’t believe I had so many pucks! “Wow, kid,” he said, “you’re a real fan.” He autographed all five of them and wrote “ 16” next to his name, which is his number!
    3. M ARTIN P AVLOVSKY
    This guy also played hockey for the Fort Wayne Warriors! He had four goals and two assists in 2006-2007, which isn’t great but it was only his first year. When I asked him to sign my regulation Fort Wayne Warriors pucks next to Olaf’s signature, he made a weird scrunched-up face and stared at my mother for a while, like he was confused. I guess he doesn’t understand a lot of English because he’s from the Czech Republic.
    2. B ILL P ASSMAN
    This guy played for the Fort Wayne Warriors. He was an okay goalie, but he had some bad luck so his save percentage was only .899. I liked him because his name has the word “Pass” in it, which is a hockey word—and he plays hockey. I only saw Bill once, in the kitchenette. I couldn’t believe there was a real hockey player in my house! So I ran into my bedroom and grabbed the old cigar box I use to hold my pucks. When I came back with the box, my mother kept saying that I should go to bed. “Not now, Milo,” she started shouting. “Please!” She can be really strict. Anyway, I could tell Bill wanted to see what was in the box so I opened it. “Wow,” he said, “you must be my number one fan!” I gave him a puck and told him to sign it next to Olaf’s and Nicolas’s signatures. (Nicolas was another one of my mom’s boyfriends, but he didn’t make the top five.) At first he looked a little confused. He said something under his breath, and I was scared he wasn’t going to sign my pucks at all. But then he took out a pen and signed all of them! It was weird, because he didn’t look at the pucks when he signed them. Instead, the whole time he was staring at my mother. His signature was pretty cool—better than Nicolas’s but not as good as Olaf’s.
    1. B OBBY L AMBERT
    This guy is great at hockey! He had forty points in the 2006-2007 season with my favorite hockey team, the Fort Wayne Warriors. He went out with my mom for almost two weeks. I didn’t get to see him very often because my mom had made a rule that I couldn’t leave my room when her boyfriends were over. Still, one night I decided to sneak out of my room and wait in the kitchenette. I mean, how many chances do you get to see a real hockey player in your own house? When I showed Bobby my puck collection, he was super-impressed. “What the hell is going on?” he kept saying. “What the goddamn hell is going on?” Then he looked at my mom and started to cry! It was awesome because I always feel ashamed when I cry. But I thought, If a guy like Bobby Lambert can cry, an AHL all-star center with thirty-five assists, then it’s okay if I do too. Bobby kept crying and I was so blown away that I started crying too. And when I went over to him, he hugged me with his huge arms and it was like I had just scored a goal and he had given me the assist.

my friend’s new girlfriend
    My friend Jared found a girlfriend this summer, and I am so jealous. We’re the two least popular kids in the ninth grade and we’ve always been best friends. But now Jared’s always bragging about his girlfriend and how awesome she is. It makes me feel so pathetic.
    I’ve never had a girlfriend before, but this girl sounds incredible. Her name is Tiffany Sparkle. She goes to a different school, a modeling academy in New Brunswick. He showed me some pictures of her from magazines, and believe me, she is hot . He met her over the summer, when he was visiting his