catch my breath; I’d pushed myself a little too hard to reach her.
She flashed me a quick little smile, but I could see that she’d been crying once again.
I tried to give Fiona a smile of my own, one just as fake, but I couldn’t make it stick; all I wanted to do was scream at her.
As much as I love her -- and maybe I love her almost as much as Cassy -- for that first few seconds, after I thought I might’ve lost her forever... it’s the rage that came first.
I managed to hold it in.
“What’s wrong?” she asked as she knelt down to scratch behind Desmond’s ears.
“It’s not safe,” I said. “You know that you shouldn’t be out here alone.”
“More double standards,” she said in classic sixteen-year-old, chock full of outrage and disgust. “Is it because I’m a woman, or because I’m the youngest?”
“It’s because it’s not safe.” I wrapped my right arm around her and used my left hand to brush a few stray strands of hair aside from her face. I gave her a kiss right next to the little mole on her left cheek, at that spot where her skin first starts to blush.
“Matt goes out by himself all the time.”
“Matt’s an idiot. Always travel in pairs... that’s the rule. Matt doesn’t listen but I expect more from you.”
“I know you do,” she said, her eyes meeting mine.
I think she understood what I was trying to say. Fiona understands me pretty well.
“Why were you out here by yourself?” I asked. “You didn’t even bring the dogs.”
I didn’t mention the coyotes.
“I’m always by myself. I just decided to be by myself out here for a change.”
I sighed; Fiona’s helped me remember just how melodramatic teenagers can be. But I know that she’s not putting on a show for me; there’s hurt in there, more than enough for someone that young.
I shot her a smile. “You’ll always have me, Fiona. I was put on this Earth simply to annoy you.”
“I know...”
“You know... but...”
She shook her head. “I just wish I fit in a little better... you know, with Kayla and Matt and everyone. Now that... now that Ant’s gone, I’m kinda on the outside of everything.”
“It’ll take some time,” I said. “But soon the day will come when you’ll have transformed into a godless alcoholic and you’ll fit in perfectly.”
I saw the start of another smile creeping onto her face. It looked real this time.
“Now there’s this hayride...” I said. “We’re going to go down to New Post and back.”
“I’m not really in the mood.”
“None of us are in the mood, Fiona. That’s why we need to do it. We need something good to happen.”
“Why bother? There’s no point.” She shook her head. “There’s no point to any of this... stuff.” Her smile was gone again.
“It’ll get better,” I said. “Today will be better than yesterday... and yesterday was a hell of a lot better than Sunday. And tomorrow --”
“Just don’t... nothing’s getting better for me. Tomorrow’s going to be just as bad.”
“Today, then... think about today, okay? Today I’m going to strut around like a rooster on the back of that cart, and that’s when your cue to throw my cocky ass into the mud. Multiple times. Until I cry like a small child. Have you ever seen me cry like a small child, Fiona?”
She gave a little smirk.
“You know you want to see that,” I said, hoping she’d give me a chance.
Her face softened a little. “Well obviously I can’t pass that up.”
“I know what you young people like.”
She nodded her head and smiled, but there were still tears in her eyes. I knew they wouldn’t just dry up and disappear in an instant.
We headed back toward the cottage where the cart was waiting, our feet crunching through the dried leaves along the path.
Des continued to sniff the air, keeping his gaze on the trees. I didn’t expect the coyotes to show themselves to the three of us; they only seem to attack when the numbers are on their side.
As we