Abuse, Trauma, and Torture - Their Consequences and Effects Read Free Page B

snuffing of freedom, a kind of death
in installments. They are terrorized by it. To avoid it, their
self-destructive and self-defeating acts are intended to dismantle
the very foundation of a successful relationship, a career, a
project, or a friendship. Narcissists feel elated and relieved
after they unshackle these "chains". They feel they broke a siege,
that they are liberated, free at last.
    Read this:
    The Relief of Being
Abandoned
    The Default Behaviors
    We are all, to some degree, inertial, afraid
of new situations, new opportunities, new challenges, new
circumstances and new demands. Being healthy, being successful,
getting married, becoming a mother, or someone's boss – often
entail abrupt breaks with the past. Some self-defeating behaviors
are intended to preserve the past, to restore it, to protect it
from the winds of change, to self-deceptively skirt promising
opportunities while seeming to embrace them.
    Moreover, to the narcissist, a challenge, or
even a guaranteed eventual triumph, are meaningless in the absence
of onlookers. The narcissist needs an audience to applaud, affirm,
recoil, approve, admire, adore, fear, or even detest him. He craves
the attention and depends on the Narcissistic Supply only others
can provide. The narcissist derives sustenance only from the
outside - his emotional innards are hollow and moribund.
    The narcissist's enhanced performance is
predicated on the existence of a challenge (real or imaginary) and
of an audience. Baumeister usefully re-affirmed this linkage, known
to theoreticians since Freud.
    The Narcissist as a Failure and a
Loser
    Three traits conspire to render the narcissist
a failure and a loser: his sense of entitlement ,
his haughtiness and innate conviction of his own superiority, and
his aversion to routine .
    The narcissist's sense of entitlement
encourages his indolence. He firmly believes that he should be
spoon-fed and that accomplishments and honors should be handed to
him on a silver platter, without any commensurate effort on his
part. His mere existence justifies such exceptional treatment. Many
narcissists are under-qualified and lack skills because they can't
be bothered with the minutia of obtaining an academic degree,
professional training, or exams.
    The narcissist's arrogance and belief that he
is superior to others, whom he typically holds in contempt - in
other words: the narcissist's grandiose
fantasies - hamper his ability to function in society.
The cumulative outcomes of this social dysfunction gradually
transform him into a recluse and an
outcast . He is shunned by colleagues, employers,
neighbors, erstwhile friends, and, finally, even by long-suffering
family members who tire of his tirades and rants.
    Unable to work in a team, to compromise, to
give credit where due, and to strive towards long-term goals, the
narcissist - skilled and gifted as he may be - finds himself
unemployed and unemployable, his bad reputation preceding
him.
    Even when offered a job or a business
opportunity, the narcissist recoils, bolts, and obstructs each and
every stage of the negotiations or the transaction.
    But this passive-aggressive (negativistic and masochistic )
conduct has nothing to do with the narcissist's aforementioned
indolence. The narcissist is not afraid of some forms of hard work.
He invests inordinate amounts of energy, forethought, planning,
zest, and sweat in securing narcissistic
supply , for instance.
    The narcissist's sabotage of new employment or
business prospects is owing to his abhorrence of routine.
Narcissists feel trapped, shackled, and enslaved by the quotidian,
by the repetitive tasks that are inevitably involved in fulfilling
one's assignments. They hate the methodical, step-by-step,
long-term, approach. Possessed of magical thinking, they'd rather
wait for miracles to happen. Jobs, business deals, and teamwork
require perseverance and tolerance of boredom which the narcissist
sorely lacks.
    Life forces most narcissists into the