Abuse, Trauma, and Torture - Their Consequences and Effects Read Free Page A

(no such ego
functions). In the absence of observers, the narcissist shrivels to
non-existence and feels dead. Hence the narcissist's preying habits
in his constant pursuit of Narcissistic Supply. Pathological
narcissism is an addictive behavior.
    Still, dysfunctions are reactions to abnormal
environments and situations (e.g., abuse, trauma, smothering,
etc.).
    Paradoxically, his dysfunction allows the
narcissist to function. It compensates for lacks and deficiencies
by exaggerating tendencies and traits. It is like the tactile sense
of a blind person. In short: pathological narcissism is a result of
over-sensitivity, the repression of overwhelming memories and
experiences, and the suppression of inordinately strong negative
feelings (e.g., hurt, envy, anger, or humiliation).
    That the narcissist functions at all - is
because of his pathology and thanks to it. The alternative is
complete decompensation and integration.
    In time, the narcissist learns how to leverage
his pathology, how to use it to his advantage, how to deploy it in
order to maximize benefits and utilities - in other words, how to
transform his curse into a blessing.
    Narcissists are obsessed by delusions of
fantastic grandeur and superiority. As a result they are very
competitive. They are strongly compelled - where others are merely
motivated. They are driven, relentless, tireless, and ruthless.
They often make it to the top. But even when they do not - they
strive and fight and learn and climb and create and think and
devise and design and conspire. Faced with a challenge - they are
likely to do better than non-narcissists.
    Yet, we often find that narcissists abandon
their efforts in mid-stream, give up, vanish, lose interest,
devalue former pursuits, fail, or slump. Why is that?
    Narcissists are prone to self-defeating and
self-destructive behaviors.
    The Self-Punishing, Guilt-Purging
Behaviors
    These are intended to inflict punishment on
the narcissist and thus instantly relieve him of his overwhelming
anxiety.
    This is very reminiscent of a
compulsive-ritualistic behavior. The narcissist feels guilty. It
could be an "ancient" guilt, a "sexual" guilt (Freud), or a
"social" guilt. In early life, the narcissist internalized and
introjected the voices of meaningful and authoritative others -
parents, role models, peers - that consistently and convincingly
judged him to be no good, blameworthy, deserving of punishment or
retaliation, or corrupt.
    The narcissist's life is thus transformed into
an on-going trial. The constancy of this trial, the never
adjourning tribunal is the punishment. It is a
Kafkaesque "trial": meaningless, undecipherable, never-ending,
leading to no verdict, subject to mysterious and fluid laws and
presided over by capricious judges.
    Such a narcissist masochistically frustrates
his deepest desires and drives, obstructs his own efforts,
alienates his friends and sponsors, provokes figures in authority
to punish, demote, or ignore him, actively seeks and solicits
disappointment, failure, or mistreatment and relishes them, incites
anger or rejection, bypasses or rejects opportunities, or engages
in excessive self-sacrifice.
    In their book "Personality Disorders in Modern
Life", Theodore Millon and Roger Davis, describe the diagnosis of
"Masochistic or Self-Defeating Personality Disorder", found in the
appendix of the DSM III-R but excluded from the DSM IV. While the
narcissist is rarely a full-fledged masochist, many a narcissist
exhibit some of the traits of this personality disorder.
    The Extracting
Behaviors
    People with Personality Disorders (PDs) are
very afraid of real, mature, intimacy. Intimacy is formed not only
within a couple, but also in a workplace, in a neighborhood, with
friends, while collaborating on a project. Intimacy is another word
for emotional involvement, which is the result of interactions in
constant and predictable (safe) propinquity.
    PDs interpret intimacy as counter-dependence,
emotional strangulation, the