a—uh—special evening for former first ladies, and I am—uh—her escort to the show.
Oh, Al, you’re such a gentleman. And how did you like the show, Mrs. Bush?
Mmmmm.
Well, nice to see you again, Mrs. Bush. We’ve got to go. Good-bye.
Mmm-mmm! Quick, Al, we gotta get me back to the White House before the girls!
(
Later that night
): Sorry I’m late, Bill, but I want you to know how proud I am of you, slaving over these numbers all night. Did you balance the budget?
Mmm-mmm—I mean, no, honey. It’ll take at least another night, but I did move the stone a little and—aww, it’s no use. Old Man Dole is going to have my hide in the morning. Honey, can I tell you a secret?
Sure, Bill, what?
I, uh, well, I didn’t work on the budget. Instead, I went out with Al tonight, and we went to a show, and nothing got done.
Can I tell you something, Bill?
Yeah?
You’re sleeping on the couch tonight.
Awww, honey.…
When you’re with the Clintstones,
Have a Bubba-dubba-do time
A Bubba-do time.
We’ll have a gay old time.
Nuclear Family
E xplosions! Collisions! Teeth-grinding interpersonal relations! Kids, this holiday season bring home the Warheads, new from Yasbo! With this high-tech extended family of lifelike action-assault figures, you can battle to the death over bedtimes, force your enemies to do household chores, and rule the remote control! Collect them all!
DADDY DOWNSIZED ($19.95): Biggest of the clan, with a little less confidence and a lot more free time! Featuring Falling-Out Action Hair and Six-Pack Power Booster. Push Dad’s Hot Button and activate his Pounding Headache Reflex, Lumbar-Pain Fury, and Empty-Threat Lecture Voice—ready to let foes know they’re in “serious trouble.” Don’t make him have to say it twice! Also available, in a special limited edition, ROAD-RAGE DAD ($29.95), who comes complete with his souped-up highway war machine, the Winter Rat.
STRETCH MOMSTRONG ($19.95): She’severywhere at once! At home, at work, at PTA meetings! Go ahead: Pull her every which way until she snaps. Comes with Hair-Trigger Guilt-Trip Action and Icy-Stare Laser Eyes. She’ll duel Dad over that mess in the basement or carve up the yardman with her Carpal-Tunnel Talons.
EVIL COUSIN GARY ($19.95): The long-lost Warlord of the Truck Stop has returned, seeking a host family to move in with! Featuring new Hawk-and-Spit(™), plus Tank-Top Body Armor and Pop-Up Babe Antennae. He’ll fight Dad for the NAUGAHYDE BATTLE RECLINER (sold separately) or make Mom blow her stack with his five prerecorded Comments about Women. Also available: GARY’S “BORROW A FEW BUCKS BEFORE PAYDAY” VOICE MODULE ($6.99) with Removable Memory. Or collect the limited-edition DWI GARY ($29.95), with Stagger-Action Walk and Vomit Cannon (accessories include Gary’s Beat-Up Pickup).
TIMMY TATTLE ($19.95): With his terrifying Sonic Scream, he always gets his way, and he always wants more! But that’s not all! Insert a Sugar-Turbo Pellet, and he morphs into Triple-Trouble Timmy, with Twelve-Hour Insomnia Energy andWhirling Helicopter Arms. He needs a nap. He needs a spanking. But who dares?
MEGA-MEGAN, AGENT FROM G.O.T.H. ($19.95): She’s old enough to drive, old enough to date, and old enough to tell everyone how stupid they are. Use her Princess Phone, and face her Verbal Assault Vortex. Question her makeup, and watch her flee to her CHAMBER OF ANGST (sold separately), where she marshals support from G.O.T.H. (Goddesses Of Teen Hell, also sold separately) and commands her secret Disney-on-Ice Stuffed Army.
MUTHER OF ALL IN-LAWS ($19.99): The immortal terror has arrived, and this time she’s here all winter! No one can escape her Acid Tongue. With Hip-Replacement Torpedoes, Grime-Detection Radar, and MUTHER’S WAR WALKER (sold separately). Once inside her Walker, she becomes the Grim Weeper, Matriarch of Passive Aggression. She won’t accept help. She won’t eat. And she definitely won’t baby-sit the
Oh, Al, you’re such a gentleman. And how did you like the show, Mrs. Bush?
Mmmmm.
Well, nice to see you again, Mrs. Bush. We’ve got to go. Good-bye.
Mmm-mmm! Quick, Al, we gotta get me back to the White House before the girls!
(
Later that night
): Sorry I’m late, Bill, but I want you to know how proud I am of you, slaving over these numbers all night. Did you balance the budget?
Mmm-mmm—I mean, no, honey. It’ll take at least another night, but I did move the stone a little and—aww, it’s no use. Old Man Dole is going to have my hide in the morning. Honey, can I tell you a secret?
Sure, Bill, what?
I, uh, well, I didn’t work on the budget. Instead, I went out with Al tonight, and we went to a show, and nothing got done.
Can I tell you something, Bill?
Yeah?
You’re sleeping on the couch tonight.
Awww, honey.…
When you’re with the Clintstones,
Have a Bubba-dubba-do time
A Bubba-do time.
We’ll have a gay old time.
Nuclear Family
E xplosions! Collisions! Teeth-grinding interpersonal relations! Kids, this holiday season bring home the Warheads, new from Yasbo! With this high-tech extended family of lifelike action-assault figures, you can battle to the death over bedtimes, force your enemies to do household chores, and rule the remote control! Collect them all!
DADDY DOWNSIZED ($19.95): Biggest of the clan, with a little less confidence and a lot more free time! Featuring Falling-Out Action Hair and Six-Pack Power Booster. Push Dad’s Hot Button and activate his Pounding Headache Reflex, Lumbar-Pain Fury, and Empty-Threat Lecture Voice—ready to let foes know they’re in “serious trouble.” Don’t make him have to say it twice! Also available, in a special limited edition, ROAD-RAGE DAD ($29.95), who comes complete with his souped-up highway war machine, the Winter Rat.
STRETCH MOMSTRONG ($19.95): She’severywhere at once! At home, at work, at PTA meetings! Go ahead: Pull her every which way until she snaps. Comes with Hair-Trigger Guilt-Trip Action and Icy-Stare Laser Eyes. She’ll duel Dad over that mess in the basement or carve up the yardman with her Carpal-Tunnel Talons.
EVIL COUSIN GARY ($19.95): The long-lost Warlord of the Truck Stop has returned, seeking a host family to move in with! Featuring new Hawk-and-Spit(™), plus Tank-Top Body Armor and Pop-Up Babe Antennae. He’ll fight Dad for the NAUGAHYDE BATTLE RECLINER (sold separately) or make Mom blow her stack with his five prerecorded Comments about Women. Also available: GARY’S “BORROW A FEW BUCKS BEFORE PAYDAY” VOICE MODULE ($6.99) with Removable Memory. Or collect the limited-edition DWI GARY ($29.95), with Stagger-Action Walk and Vomit Cannon (accessories include Gary’s Beat-Up Pickup).
TIMMY TATTLE ($19.95): With his terrifying Sonic Scream, he always gets his way, and he always wants more! But that’s not all! Insert a Sugar-Turbo Pellet, and he morphs into Triple-Trouble Timmy, with Twelve-Hour Insomnia Energy andWhirling Helicopter Arms. He needs a nap. He needs a spanking. But who dares?
MEGA-MEGAN, AGENT FROM G.O.T.H. ($19.95): She’s old enough to drive, old enough to date, and old enough to tell everyone how stupid they are. Use her Princess Phone, and face her Verbal Assault Vortex. Question her makeup, and watch her flee to her CHAMBER OF ANGST (sold separately), where she marshals support from G.O.T.H. (Goddesses Of Teen Hell, also sold separately) and commands her secret Disney-on-Ice Stuffed Army.
MUTHER OF ALL IN-LAWS ($19.99): The immortal terror has arrived, and this time she’s here all winter! No one can escape her Acid Tongue. With Hip-Replacement Torpedoes, Grime-Detection Radar, and MUTHER’S WAR WALKER (sold separately). Once inside her Walker, she becomes the Grim Weeper, Matriarch of Passive Aggression. She won’t accept help. She won’t eat. And she definitely won’t baby-sit the
Similar Books
Red Rose
Mary Balogh
Crying for Help
Casey Watson
Indulge
Megan Duncan
Prince of Legend
Jack Ludlow
Lucky Break
Liliana Rhodes
PrimevalPassion
Cyna Kade
A red tainted Silence
Carolyn Gray
Nighttime at Willow Bay
Kasey Moone
Fencing You In
Cheyenne McCray