Zombies and Shit Read Free

can’t be here,” Rainbow cries. “I can’t be here!”
    “Shut her up or I’ll snap her neck,” says the Asian woman, without raising her voice.
    Charlie can tell by the look in her eyes that she’s serious, so he calms down his wife. The Asian woman’s eyes return to the window, peering at something in the distance.
    “Where the fuck are we and shit?” says the yellow mohawk punk, as Charlie passes him to go to the window. The punk follows him.
    Standing over the Asian woman’s shoulder, Charlie peers out of the window. Outside is a vast city of collapsing vine-ridden skyscrapers and rubble. A wasteland. The building they are in is an old hotel, with a security wall around the perimeter.
    The punk’s jaw drops when he sees the city. It is one of the ancient ones, the kind of city that they have only seen in old pictures and books.
    “We’re on the mainland,” says the punk, “in the middle of the damned Red Zone!”
    “Impossible,” Charlie says. “How did we get all the way out here?”
    The punk’s mohawk quivers. “Look around and shit! We’re not on the island anymore. It’s obviously the damned Red Zone!”
    The Asian woman glares up at the punk. The look in her cold dark eyes is enough to shut him up. She peers at Charlie and puts her long black-painted fingernail to her lips, then points to a figure on the other side of the yard.
    When Charlie looks, he sees a naked man staggering through the weed-coated parking lot. His skin has melted off of his body, his face nothing but a skull buried in fluffy pink meat, his intestines wrapped around his neck like a scarf. He’s a walking corpse, moaning with every step he takes.
    “We are in the Red Zone, aren’t we?” Charlie asks.
    The Asian woman nods. “Right in the middle.”
    “How is that even possible?” Charlie asks. “That’s hundreds of miles away from the island. How could we have possibly gotten here?”
    “We were put here,” she says.
    “For what reason?” he asks. “To play some kind of joke on us?”
    “Something like that,” she says.
    When the young prostitute with the dark red hair looks out of the window and sees the zombie, she screams.
    “What the fuck is that!” she cries. “What is it doing here!”
    The zombie hears the prostitute and looks over at her. Sunflowers are growing out of its hollow skull like weeds. A tongue coils out of its black teeth.
    “Brains…” it says, then approaches the building.
    When the prostitute’s eyes meet with the zombie’s, she covers her mouth and backs away. The zombie shuffles forward like bags of garbage spilling from a dump truck.
    “It’s a fucking zombie!” says the yellow mohawk punk, almost excitedly.
    Everyone runs to the window to see it for themselves, but once they get a glimpse of it they all back off.
    Charlie looks back at his wife, sitting on the floor, curled around
    her knees, shaking her head. He goes to her. “Do you know what’s going on?” he asks.
    She looks up at him with tears in her eyes.
    “I’m so sorry…” she says.
    He holds her close to him, her tears tickling his cheeks.

    A voice comes over the intercom system. The building has long been without electricity, so Charlie is confused by how it is functional.
    The voice says: “Welcome, contestants!” It’s the voice of an overly excited young woman with a Japanese accent. “I hope you slept well! I’m sure you’re all wondering what has happened to you and why you have come to be in the middle of the Red Zone. But, for you, I have super great news! All twenty of you have been randomly selected to participate in the hit television series, Zombie Survival! The Platinum Quadrant’s favorite reality game show, number one!”
    “I knew it,” says the Asian woman.
    The voice continues: “Most of you are probably unaware of this show, because citizens of the Copper Quadrant such as yourselves do not have the luxury of television. But it is the most electrifying entertainment on TV,