Wishing on a Blue Star Read Free

learned much about other people by how they react or respond when I tell them the news. I understand their actions, but I cant condone them when they are directed at me, because to put it selfishly, I need all my energy to get me well, not make them feel better. A very dear friend of mine described it thus: “It’s like choking on a glass of water. Everyone is demanding you TELL them you are fine, when what you really need to do is cough it out.” True enough! And I finally got my family to understand the concept. Friends, most of whom I am actually closer to, took a bit longer. :)
    What I’m going to ask for at this point will sound a bit harsh, and I’ll apologize in advance, but I am somewhat limited in my ability to respond.
    I’d like to thank everyone in advance for the well wishes, and the inquiries, and the sympathies, and say they’ve already been sent an answered. Rather than field a bunch of queries for how I am doing, I’ll usurp my old work blog and post updates there. Probably wont be all that many posts, because frankly, all the drama is done. All that’s left is whatever side effect the chemo is dropping on my head on any given day, and seriously, that’s GOT to be boring reading!
    The only thing that matters to me right now is the fatigue, originally caused by the cancer and and now caused by the chemo. Makes it bloody hard to work up enough steam to keep up with the group messages, and even long emails. (The only way I could write this lengthy post is because the first day after chemo, I feel like myself again. Alas, it doesn’t last long.) :)
    There is one other thing that really bothers me, and it’s the hardest to explain. According to John, cancer doctors largely ignored complaints for a long time because patients couldn’t really articulate what they were feeling, and few reported it. Now they understand the situation and given it a name: Chemo brain. Goofy name, but man is it a pain in the butt. Different people are affected differently, of course, and for me, I lose focus, big time. Can’t think of the word I want, and the biggest hassle of all is that it’s bloody hard to write! It’s like being distracted by every random thing in the room. That’s why I haven’t written much in the last three months. In fact, the Santa Mug was written before the chemo while I was still undiagnosed. Whew! What a task that little story was! It’ll be out in December as part of the Dreamspinner Mistletoe Madness and can be purchased separately (royalties!) or as part of the month long package.
    So to recap and wrap up, you’ll see me occasionally in Twitter or on the groups when I have the energy or when I am not trying to write. If I’m not there, it doesn’t mean I don’t want to be, trust me. :)
    Think good thoughts I can find a way around the chemo brain thing, because all the stories are still there, but they don’t have a convenient outlet right now, and I’d love nothing more to get them on paper and into your hot little hands. :)
    Cheers all!
    Love,
    Patric

Friday, October 23, 2009
    Chemo, second treatment.
     
    I really wish Google allowed it so you could open two different blogs at once. Grr...
    I have to post something here so folks coming in from the “big announcement” will find a destination...
    So, second treatment. Mildly sick, not tired (Wasnt tired the day after the first treatment either!) Got the damn hiccups though. Partly a result from the last treatment and the erosion, and partly as a side effect of this treatment. As I said, I get unusual side effects. Meh.
    Still forgetful, of course. Short term memory seems the most affected. Gah. PITA!
    Oh, and here’s a new thing. My taste buds are shot. I have no idea what thats all about. Time for more research!
    I havent put chemo brain to the test yet. Havent tried to write. Wanted to get the blog posts up first, because it took like four hours to answer all the messages. Hopefully the post, and these updates will answer