Winter 2007 Read Free

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    As you did not specify the
particular details for THE DEATH OF ADOLF HITLER on AUGUST 13, 1908 in VIENNA,
AUSTRIA, we are proud to offer you a random sampler of scenarios relating to
the disposition of your search. In it you will see how varying the details of
the event you’ve chosen can greatly influence the course of history. This is
the famous “Butterfly Effect” – and we’re sure you’ll enjoy seeing the
storms these butterflies bring about!
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History Search, we regret that we may only provide summaries at this time. But
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    Scenario #1
    Event: ADOLF HITLER is
KILLED by MUGGING ATTEMPT ON THE STEPS OF THE ACADEMY OF FINE ARTS VIENNA
    As a result: World War I
proceeds; Weimar Republic proceeds; World War II delayed until 1948; US drops
atomic bomb on Berlin in 1952; Neil Armstrong first man on the moon, 1972
    Scenario #2
    Event: ADOLF HITLER is
KILLED by OPIUM JUNKIE LOOKING FOR MONEY
    As a result: World War I
proceeds; Weimar Republic proceeds; World War II averted; Germany and Britain
form economic union, declare war on France in 1958; Malcolm Evans first man on
the moon, 1975
    Scenario #3:
    Event: ADOLF HITLER is
KILLED by RUNAWAY HORSE-DRAWN WAGON FILLED WITH BRATWURST, THE FOURTH SUCH
FATALITY IN VIENNA IN SIX DAYS
    As a result: Vienna passes
tough horse-drawn vehicle laws, prompting the quick acceptance of automobiles;
Austria becomes automotive industrial powerhouse; World War I proceeds, Germany
and allies win thanks to technological advances; 30s worldwide depression
averted; Willy Brandt first man on the moon, 1958
    Scenario #4:
    Event: ADOLF HITLER is
KILLED by MULTIPLE KNIFE WOUNDS BY JEALOUS GAY LOVER WHO THINKS HIS BOYFRIEND
IS CHEATING ON HIM WITH HITLER, WHO IN FACT IS TOTALLY INNOCENT AND HASN’T HAD
SEX OF ANY SORT IN MONTHS, MUCH LESS GAY VIENNESE SEX
    As a result: The trial of
Felix von Weingartner, director of the Vienna Opera and the closeted, murdering
gay lover in question, shocks and delights Viennese society; Hitler’s
watercolors, formerly unsellable, become a hot commodity on the auction circuit
before the novelty wears off. Hitler’s sister awarded a settlement; World War I
proceeds, Germany and allies win; 30s depression not averted; virulent flu
wipes out 38% of European population; US becomes world power; John Glenn first
man on the moon, 1956
    Scenario #5
    Event: ADOLF HITLER is
KILLED by SUFFOCATION WHEN INEXPLICABLY ENCASED IN AN ENORMOUS BLOCK OF
UNFLAVORED GELATIN
    As a result: Hitler only a
random test subject for Gelatin Encasing Weapon, developed by the Russian
aristocracy from technology pulled out of the spaceship that caused the
Tunguska Event of June 30, 1908; the GEW subsequently used to assassinate
enemies of Tsar Nicholas II, and then world leaders; World War I begins when
Archduke Franz Ferdinand is spontaneously encased in gelatin while riding in a
1911 Graf und Stift Rois De Blougne tourer in Sarajevo and Young Bosnia
opportunistically claims credit; World War I subsequently ends in 1915 when
entire German divisions are gelatinized; Russia becomes sole super power.
Vladimir Putin first man on the moon, 1988
    Scenario #6
    Event: ADOLF HITLER is
KILLED by BULLET WOUND IN CROSSFIRE BETWEEN TIME-TRAVELING ANTI-NAZIS SENT BACK
TO KILL HIM AND TIME-TRAVELING NAZIS SENT BACK TO PREVENT HIS ASSASSINATION
    As a result: Causality loop
annihilates time and space surrounding Vienna, knocking everyone in the city
back to 1529 and the eve of the First