When I Was Joe Read Free

point.
    â€˜We’re sure that the petrol bomb in the shop last night was designed to intimidate you.’ he says. There’s a silence. I’m thinking that someone wants me dead. He never actually said ‘dead’, but that’s what he means. I’m not stupid. It’s lucky that I’m not doing feelings at the moment, because if I was I might be pretty scared.
    â€˜Your only sensible decision now is to be taken into the witness protection programme,’ he says. ‘Doug will look after you. You really have no choice.’
    Nicki opens her mouth to argue, then closes it again. Doug says, ‘I’ll have to take your phones because there’s no easier way to trace someone than the mobile network,’ and she puts up a bit of a fight, but you can see her heart isn’t in it. My phone is pretty naff, so I don’t care that much. Maybe they’ll give me a cool new one.
    â€˜Is there anything you need right away?’ asks DI Morris. ‘Because it’ll be about three weeks before we can rehouse you and provide you with your new identities. Until then you’ll be staying here with your heads down.’
    â€˜Breakfast,’ I say very quickly before Nicki can say anything else first, and they all laugh and then Doug takes us in his car to a Little Chef where I eat a massive plate of sausage and egg and Nicki drinks black coffee and pretends she’s not crying.
    We have three long weeks in the sodding hotel, spending most of the time at the launderette as neither of us packed enough clothes. That’s quite useful though, because one day I manage to send Nicki off to the chemist and I tell her I’ll start doing the washing by myself. I’ve smuggled the secret Tesco bag with me and I take the contents and dump them in the machine with three packets of stain remover. And, when they come out, everything’s gone and now I have an extra grey hoodie and another pair of jeans.
    We buy sandwiches every day but it’s never enough for me and I’m permanently starving and cross with her for not noticing. The lack of food doesn’t bother her because she’s always preferred coffee and cigarettes to actually eating. And she’s forever nagging me about keeping up with my schoolwork, which is impossible when there’s no school to go to. She snaps at me all the time when she falls over my feet or my bag, so after about two days we’re hardly speaking.
    There’s Sky Sports on the hotel television and I watch it most of the time. Football, basketball, handball, whatever. When Nicki tries to talk to me I turn the volume up. And I get friendly with Marek who works as a cleaner at the hotel and try to get him to teach me Polish, but when Doug finds out – Nicki tells him, thanks a lot Nic – he tells me not to talk to anyone, not even someone who only knows ten words of English.
    It’s so boring that we’re even quite pleased to see Doug when he arrives at the hotel one day. He announces that he’s taking us to McDonald’s which he seems to think is a treat, although if he’d bothered to ask he’d have found out that we both hate the food there.
    â€˜What do you want?’ he asks. Nicki goes for a salad and a coffee, and I order two portions of fries, two quarter-pounders and two milkshakes on the basis that at least it’s not sandwiches. I don’t care if I feel sick forhours afterwards. Doug raises his eyebrows and I can see he thinks I’m a greedy pig.
    He takes us to sit upstairs where we’re all on our own and he hands Nicki a cheque-book and some bank statements. The name on the account is Ms M Andrews.
    â€˜Michelle,’ says Doug. ‘And Joe. Recently moved from Redbridge. Michelle, you’re looking for a job. Joe’s changing schools.’
    â€˜Why Joe?’ I ask through a mouthful of fries. It’s as good a name as any I suppose, but I’m