Wash Read Free

embrace.
    Emotion flooded through me,
more like a monsoon this time, and I let out a sob so loud I was
sure the entire church had heard it. I’d never felt pain and grief
rip through me like that. How could he
dump me at the altar? He couldn’t have told me this last night,
before all the guests came, before I got all dressed up like some
stupid fairytale princess in this ridiculous dress? Who needs all
these beads and lace anyway?
    I shouted. I cursed. I cried. He was
everything I wanted and more, and now I’d never have
him.
    No, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no! Brides are supposed to run away, not grooms! Didn’t he ever
see that Julia Roberts movie?
    I couldn’t breathe.
    I fell into a pit of
despair as my world crashed down around me. I couldn’t help
wondering what the heck had happened. We’d seen each other the
night before, and everything had seemed fine, perfect as always. As
usual, we couldn’t stop staring into each other’s eyes. When we
talked about the wedding, he’d seemed more excited than me. As a
matter of fact, it was all he talked about, and he said more than
once that he couldn’t wait to see me in my wedding dress. I thought
we shared such a deep connection, that we’d forever be madly in
love. Why would he just throw it all away?
For what? Why? And why won’t he even talk to me about
it?
    “ Nadia,” I said,
sniffling.
    “ Yeah? What is it,
sweetie?”
    “ I’ve changed my mind. This
is the absolute worst day of my life.”
    * * *
    Weeks passed, and I
continued to mourn my loss of Jake. Every breath and movement took
effort. Some days, the pain was so overwhelming that I couldn’t
breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t function, and couldn’t control
the tears. No one understood what I was going through, but everyone
tried to be of some comfort on the rough days, and I appreciated
that. On other days, I felt like I could manage. I hardly ate and
woke up in cold sweats left over from my nightmares. I knew I’d
never get over the loss of Jake dumping me, and I’d learned the
hard lesson that in the blink of an eye, one’s whole world could
take a swan dive; the elevator from heaven to hell was a
fast-moving one. One minute, my life had been perfect. I’d been a
princess with her Prince Charming. Then, in the next, I was a
damsel in distress all over again. How
will I ever move forward? I wondered. My
heart was torn.
    Sometimes the grief was so paralyzing
that I had to remind myself to breathe. I knew there was no roadmap
to get me through the throes of pain, but I hated that it hurt so
damn much and for so damn long.
    “ I love you, Jake…and I
miss you,” I whispered. “Not a minute goes by when I don’t think
about you,” I muttered, recalling his beautiful face, those
captivating features that I missed so much.
    Everyone told me it would get easier
in time, but it hadn’t—not after all those weeks. Knowing I’d never
feel Jake’s touch, see his beaming smile, or hear his laugh again
was almost unbearable. I missed the way he said my name, and it
pained me that I wouldn’t feel his hand in mine. I’d never be able
to look into his beautiful blue eyes again. There would be no more
romantic dinners under the stars, no more slow dances, no more
romantic birthday celebrations. All of that had been stolen away
from me, leaving a giant, gaping hole in my heart.
    I could still hear his voice in my
head, could still feel his touch. It was something like that old
country song I’d heard on the radio somewhere: I couldn’t stop
loving him. I simply didn’t have the strength. As I went through
his clothes, I could still smell him. All of my senses told me that
he was right there in that room with me, that nothing had changed,
but it had. It had all changed for the worst.
     
     

Chapter 2
    Five years
later…
    I crossed my legs and glanced out the
window, watching the sheets of rain pelt the glass and the ground
and the trees. I’d buried my mother three months ago, and