Village Affairs Read Free Page B

nails.'
    'Horrible! But it's common knowledge that they go on growing after death.'
    'A solemn thought, to imagine all those dark partings on Judgement Day,' commented Amy, patting her own neat waves. 'Well, what's the Fairacre news?'
    I told her about the school, and its possible closure.
    'That's old hat. I shouldn't worry unduly about that, though I did hear someone saying they'd heard that Beech Green was to be enlarged.'
    'The grape vine spreads far and wide,' I agreed.
    'But what about Mrs Fowler?'
    'Mrs Fowler?' I repeated with bewilderment. 'You mean that wicked old harridan who used to live in Tyler's Row? Why, she left for Caxley years ago!'
    'I know she did. That's why I hear about her from my window cleaner who lives next door to her, poor fellow. Well, she's being courted.'
    'Never! I don't believe it!'
    Amy looked pleasantly gratified at my reactions.
    'And what's more, the man is the one that Minnie Pringle married.'
    This was staggering news, and I was suitably impressed. Minnie Pringle is the niece of my redoubtable Mrs Pringle. We Fairacre folk have lost count of the children she has had out of wedlock, and were all dumb-founded when we heard that she was marrying a middle-aged man with children of his own. As far as I knew, they had settled down fairly well together at Springbourne. But if Amy's tale were to be believed, then the marriage must be decidedly shaky.
    'Mrs Pringle hasn't said anything,' I said.
    'She may not know anything about it.'
    'Besides,' I went on, 'can you imagine anyone falling for Mrs Fowler? She's absolutely without charms of any sort.'
    'That's nothing to do with it,' replied Amy. 'There's such a thing as incomprehensible attraction. Look at some of the truly dreadful girls at Cambridge who managed to snaffle some of the most attractive men!'
    'But Mrs Fowler—' I protested.
    Amy swept on.
    'One of the nastiest men I ever met,' she told me, 'had four wives.'
    'What? All at once? A Moslem or something?'
    'No, no,' said Amy testily. 'Don't be so headlong!'
    'You mean headstrong.'
    'I know what I mean, thank you. You rush
headlong
to conclusions, is what I mean.'
    'I'm sorry. Well, what was wrong with this nasty man you knew?'
    'For one thing, he cleaned out his ears with a match stick.'
    'Not the striking end, I hope. It's terribly poisonous.'
    '
Whichever
end he used, the operation was revolting.'
    'Oh, I agree. Absolutely. What else?'
    'Several things. He was mean with money. Kicked the cat. Had Wagner—of all people—too loud on the gramophone. And yet, you see, he had this charm, this charisma—'
    'Now there's a word I never say! Like "Charivari". "punch or the London" one, you know.'
    Amy tut-tutted with exasperation.
    'The point I have been trying to make for the last ten minutes,' shouted Amy rudely, '
against fearful odds
, is that Minnie Pringle's husband must see something attractive in Mrs Fowler.'
    'I thought we'd agreed on that: I said. 'More coffee?'
    'Thank you,' said Amy faintly. 'I feel I need it.'

    The fascinating subject of Mrs Fowler and her admirer did not crop up again until the last day of the spring term.
    Excitement, as always, was at fever-pitch among the children. One would think that they were endlessly beaten and bullied at school when one sees the joy with which they welcome the holidays.
    Pat Smith, who had been my infants' teacher for the past two years, was leaving to get married at Easter, and we presented her with a tray, and a large greetings card signed by all the children.
    The Vicar called to wish her well, and to exhort the children to help their mothers during the holidays, and to enjoy themselves.
    When he had gone, I contented myself with impressing upon them the date of their return, and let them loose. Within minutes, the stampede had vanished round the bend of the lane, and I was alone in the schoolroom.

    I always love that first moment of solitude, when the sound of the birds is suddenly noticed, and the scent of the