students.
I tried to wrestle my hand away, but he tightened his grip. I decided to relax my arm instead of trying to fight him on it again. He had a thing about holding my hand, even though I hated being touched now. But I let it go. I let him hold my hand—let myself be touched by a man in the first time in forever. We were almost back to my little place, anyway, and it wasn’t worth the hassle. “That doesn’t count as number fifty, you know.”
“Sure it does. And the next time I ask, it will be fifty-one. And then you’ll have to say yes.” He turned to me again with a smile, walking me to my front door. “And it will be one hundred percent worth it.”
I slipped my key into the lock and swung my door open. I turned back to face him. He was too eager, too overbearing. But I felt a little bad that I had never even given him a chance. I hadn’t ever really even seen him in that way—only as the annoying-but-hot-as-hell handyman who came over to fix things once in a while. The guilt of knowing that—that I wasn’t being fair to Tommy—was almost as strong as the guilt I felt over what almost seemed like cheating on Brandon. Except that I knew I wasn’t cheating. Talking to this man—having dinner with this man—wouldn’t be cheating. When he leaned in to kiss me, though, I knew that would be cheating. And while I thought there might be a sliver of a chance that I could have dinner with another man, there was no way in hell I would ever kiss another man, let alone do anything else. Brandon didn’t deserve that. No matter whatever else happened in my life, I knew I would always belong to him—even if I never laid eyes on him again.
I ducked my head away from his and took a step back into the doorway. I shook my head. Tears stung at my eyes and I fought to keep them there.
“That isn’t going to happen today.” It wasn’t fair to him to lead him on. It wasn’t fair to me that Brandon was gone, and that I would never see him again. Nothing about this situation was fair, but I knew I had to move on with my life. I had to give him a chance.
He bowed his head. “It was worth a try.”
I forced a smile. “Maybe after fifty-one…”
He looked down at me, giving me an almost sheepish grin. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
I smiled at him again before I closed the door without another word. Maybe it was worth a try. Maybe it was time to let go of Brandon once and for all.
2
T his was exactly the type of place she would go.
The smell of salt water was thick in the air—almost too thick. It almost made me want to gag, it was so thick. The entire town was within six blocks of the beach, and the beach here was sandy for some reason, not rocky like the other beaches I had seen while driving here. She could build her damned sand castles on this beach. I knew it in my gut—this was exactly the kind of place she would hide. I knew she was here—there was something that just told me she was.
And I could feel her.
I hated admitting that—any of that new-age bullshit that my grandmother used to blather on about. The whole I-can-feel-her thing was a little too out there for me—a little too woo-woo—but I knew it was true. It was how I knew she wasn’t dead, even though the rest of the world had given up on her. It was the reason I kept chasing the “Jenna-sightings,” as I had come to call them. It was why I was here in the first place.
At first, there had been hundreds of credible sightings—everywhere from small towns to huge cities overseas. Deciding which of them to follow was a chore, at first. I liked to think that I had whittled it down to a science—the number of different people who had spotted her, the relative locations, the credibility of each of the people reporting them … and my gut. If my gut said there was no way Jen was working as a prostitute in Amsterdam, then there was no way in hell I was going to Amsterdam to check out a sighting. The overseas sightings never made much