Underneath Read Free

Seriously?’
    ‘Okay, okay, I admit in hindsight I was a tad deluded. I just thought he’d think whoa and—’
    ‘Take them off? As I keep saying, Niall just thinks you’re wasting VBT.’
    ‘VBT?’
    ‘Valuable bonking time. Now stop talking and eat your pastry. I need to tell you about my Friday night hottie, and I don’t mean a wheat bag.’
    I partake of my delicious, pain au chocolat, chasing the sauce escaping from the corner of my mouth with my tongue. Monique tells me about the twenty-six year old Medical Student she pulled Friday night. She hasn’t had a serious relationship since Toby left her ten years ago after her refusal to have children. I didn’t know her then. She was thirty-two and Toby was thirty-eight. He felt it was time. He left, and within six months had a pregnant girlfriend. Monique moved to Sheffield to start over. She’s ten and a bit years older than me, although you wouldn’t know it to look at her. She says she’s inherited her mother’s skin; there’s barely a line on her face and sometimes I feel very jealous. My crow’s feet and frown lines have deepened over the last few years. I think having children must be an ageing factor. All that stress is enough to give anyone a few extra lines. Monique is blunt about why she doesn’t want children and I love her for it.
    ‘They make a mess and I can’t deal with it. Plus they want constant attention and I want all my attention.’
    That said, she still makes the effort to see Joe a few times a year, and she really makes a big effort when she does. I selfishly and secretly like the fact that she’s my child-free friend. She’s the one I can talk to about books, fashion and the latest reality TV programme. I don’t have to chat about school, SATs and the things about having a child that bore me rigid to be honest. I don’t do well with routine and having to get up at the same time to go to the same place twice a day nearly sends me demented.
    ‘So how’s Joe?’ she says, like she’s reading my mind.
    ‘Oh. Well he totally loves school, and must be the only child not looking forward to the summer break. He says he wishes school was carrying on. I think he’s scared he’s going to be stuck with me. I’m becoming less cool the older he gets.’
    ‘Yeah right,’ replies Monique. ‘Joe totally adores you and you know it. You are Cool Mum personified. When are the holidays anyway? And more importantly, are you going to be able to ditch him for some girl time?’
    ‘There’s seven weeks left of the term, and yes, I’ve lined up some holiday clubs so we can skive off. You’ll have to let me know when you’re free so I can put it in my diary.’ Monique looks satisfied at this and I know it was the correct response, though Joe hates holiday clubs and I feel torn between them both. ‘Joe was extra excited today because a new boy was starting in class. I told him to be nice to him.’
    ‘Strange time to start school?’
    ‘I know. I can only think that his mum’s doing it to get him introduced to the kids before the break. I hope he’s a good kid, cos that class has its fair share of troublemakers as it is.’
    Monique starts looking around the room, my signal that she’s getting bored.
    ‘Anyway, enough about men and children,’ I say. ‘Show me the new clothes you’ve bought this week, you know you’re dying to.’ She claps her hands on her knees, smiles and goes off to get them whilst I move inside to the sofa and make myself comfortable. This is what I love, fashion. I smile to myself as I wait to see her latest collection.
    She doesn’t disappoint. A black knee length Wallis jacket sits amongst the items she piles at the side of me. I feel my mouth get wet as I look at it. She grins. ‘See you don’t need sex when you have fashion porn. Try it on. I picked it for you.’
    I pull it around myself. The waist nips in and the bottom of the jacket flares out ever so slightly. I shimmy so it swings. Monique