Two Christmases Read Free

grasp.
    “For God’s sake,” I said again.
    I waited until his crying had stopped, and then I got up. “Look, I’ll go then. Okay? I’m sorry. I didn’t know you felt like this, I swear it. I- I’ll just go.”
    “ Yes . You do that, you bastard.” Unexpectedly his hand gripped my arm, causing a bruise that would last for a week. “You’ve always done exactly what you wanted when you wanted it anyway. But don’t think you can go that easily. I’ll pay you back. Maybe not now, but at some point. Just you see.”
    His eyes were shining now, but not with tears. I’d never seen him look more determined. Trying to ignore the way I’d started to tremble, I shook him off, stood up, and left without another glance.
    I was still trembling when I made it back to Jake’s flat, and I only really stopped when I found myself in his arms. It was always the place I felt most at home. I swore then I’d forget about it and simply get on with my life.
    Well, my own stupidity and thoughtlessness had come back to haunt me now, hadn’t it? Now I suppose he’d want to go back to using condoms again, if he found out what I’d been up to. Not that I’d been stupid with Marty; I’d been sober enough to make sure I wasn’t, just… but even so…
    “Danny?”
    My boss’s voice brought me out of my meanderings with a jump, and I knocked yesterday’s unwashed coffee mug off my desk. It broke into almost perfect halves. Robert ignored it and fixed me with a firm but perceptive stare.
    “Aren’t you well? Is there something wrong?”
    “No. What makes you say that?”
    His eyes narrowed and a frown creased his forehead, a sure sign he knew I was lying. “Easy. You’ve forgotten to shave, your hair’s not seen a comb at all today, and you look like it’s a long time since you last got any sleep. Are you sick?”
    I ran my hand across my chin, feeling the bristles against my palm. “Sorry. No, I’m not sick. I’m just….”
    Just what? I thought. What the hell did I think I was going to say to my boss at this point anyway? After all, I couldn’t tell him the truth. I couldn’t say I was terrified I was about to lose the bloke I loved because I’d got plastered, smoked some skunk (pretty damn good skunk actually), and screwed around with a bloke I used to go out with but didn’t love. Robert wouldn’t react well to any of that. Not that he had anything against gays; he knew about Jake and me. He simply didn’t like it when personal life made its way into work life. And who was to say he was wrong? Today I didn’t much like it either.
    All of which explained why I gave him my brightest smile and trotted out the answer he really wanted to hear. “No, it’s nothing. Just overslept, that’s all. I’ll freshen up now and buy a razor at lunch. You won’t know the difference by the time the day really starts. Trust me.”
    For another moment, Robert stared at me and then the frown disappeared. “All right. Just don’t be late again tomorrow, will you? It’s going to be a busy few days.”
    I nodded, and he left me to my own devices. He was right about the busyness though. I didn’t have time to think and only barely managed to fit in that promised shave before six p.m. came ’round. Which was probably a good thing, as I didn’t have time to worry about Jake. Or Marty. Though twice, in between potential client phone calls, last-minute event changes and the sudden disappearance of the previous week’s hen party file (we found it eventually, between the radiator and the furthest filing cabinet, God knows why), my fingers itched to dial Jake on the mobile, just to hear his voice. But he’d be busy, and that wasn’t our way. We rarely chatted whilst at work, not unless it was something urgent. If I rang he’d think something was wrong. Hell, he’d be right too.
    Marty hadn’t rung me back either. I began to wish I hadn’t left that message on his voice mail. Maybe that had been stupid. Tidying my desk at the