Tracing Holland (NSB Book 2) Read Free Page B

more than anything. I love Molly, but I
can’t see her. I can’t be here. I hate that this is happening, that once again
my drama is ruining a moment, dragging down the people I love.
    Still, I can’t stop
it, and a small ember of fear burns low as the evening wears on, panic that
it’s going to be a hard night when the room quiets and the lights go out. The
heaviness grows, pressing on my lungs until it reaches a physical ache. I can
sense Callie’s attention more and more as I withdraw into myself, and know
without a doubt she’s aware something’s up. She knows I’m starting to shatter
again, that I need to be in someone’s arms, to be held, but I don’t want to let
that happen. It shouldn’t be her. I know that, and I try to force as many smiles
as I can to ease her mind. To temper that vigorous compassion that drives her
into other people’s pain. I know they love me, but I don’t want to be their
constant burden. I love them, too.
    But I just can’t
breathe all of a sudden.
    “You guys have an
early morning, don’t you?” Callie asks finally, and I immediately know what
she’s doing. Rescuing me like she so often does with that grace that disguises
it from everyone else. It’s her smile, the way it always seems to turn a
goodbye into a simple invitation for the next meeting. I’d never really felt
like I’d had a choice except to show up again in those early days at Jemma’s .
    Casey sighs. “Yeah, we
do. The car’s picking us up at 7 to take us to the
radio station.”
    “Oh, ok! Well, I won’t
keep you up then. I’ve got work in the morning anyway,” Molly says with an
understanding smile as she rises.
    We do the same. “It
was so good to see you again, Molly,” I manage, reaching for a hug. She returns
it, a real one, and I start to shake. Oh god. I need them all to leave. Now.
    “I’ll walk you out,
sis,” Casey says.
    “See you tomorrow?”
Molly asks Callie who grins and gives a hug of her own.
    “Looking forward to
it!”
    Then, we’re alone. I
feel Callie’s gaze and draw in a ragged breath. I need her to leave, too. I
don’t want her to see me like this. I don’t want her to comfort me right now. I
just want her to be happy and safe and force me to confront my demons on my own
for once. But I know she won’t, so I don’t even try.
    She doesn’t say anything
as the horrible tears invade my eyes. I swipe at them and drop to the edge of
the bed, leaning my head in my hands. I don’t even know how to start explaining
what’s going on inside of me, which is why I love her so much. I know I won’t
have to. She covers the distance between us and puts her arms around me,
pulling me against her. I try to breathe. To fight the weight pressing into my chest,
clamping down. God, I don’t even know what’s wrong with me.
    “It was a long day,
Luke. A difficult one with everything you had to face coming back. You were
amazing,” she says softly.
    I nod through my
silent tears, grateful there are no embarrassing sobs
this time. I pull away and swat at my face again. Fighting to put myself back
together.
    “I’m ok,” I whisper.
“It was a lot to handle…and then seeing Molly again.”
    She sighs. “I know. It
was brave of you to even try.”
    I let out a harsh
laugh. “Brave. Yeah right.”
    “Don’t even think
about belittling yourself,” she barks with a smile, and I manage to remove the
rest of the tears. She grows serious again. “But you’re not alone anymore. You
need to promise me you understand that.”
    I blink and meet her
gaze. She hugs me again, and I can almost feel the tension start to lift.
    “Thanks, Cal.”
    “Get some rest, ok?”
she says, pulling away and squeezing my hand.
    I nod and draw in
another deep breath. “You, too. Tell Casey I said good night.”
    She smiles and rubs my
arm one last time as she rises to her feet. “I will. You got this, kid. I know
you do.”

 
    ∞∞∞

 
    The radio session goes well the following
morning.