Toxic People: Decontaminate Difficult People at Work Without Using Weapons or Duct Tape Read Free

think it is really great to ask negative people whether they just want you to listen or they are looking for solutions. If they are just wanting me to listen, I will say something like, “Okay, I have only two minutes” (or whatever time I want to give them), and if they say they need more, I will tell them that I’m trying hard to stay positive. Then I will go into the TLC! Does this help?
    Thanks for using “Ask Marsha” from the web site, and I look forward to hearing from you!
    Marsha
    The TLC approach works with any Toxic Person. It is also important to identify which toxic type you are dealing with and then tailor the approach to what works best with that type! Remember: They can’t get you unless you let them! Learn to identify which toxic type they are, and then you can choose the best approach. In this book, six types of Toxic People are identified, and you will learn how to spot them, manage the situation, and keep yourself sane.
    Chapter 3—The Steamroller: bully, aggressor, always right.
    Chapter 4—The Zipper Lip: clam, no response.
    Chapter 5—The Backstabber: snake in a suit, psychopath.
    Chapter 6—The Know-It-All: arrogant expert, always right.
    Chapter 7—The Needy Weenie: wimp, worrywart.
    Chapter 8—The Whine and Cheeser: chronic complainer, always negative.
    You can probably guess the behaviors associated with each of these, and you may even have names you could attach. Understanding the message they send, how you perceive it, and why they choose the behavior is all part of the decontamination process. Each of these Toxic People types will be reviewed in detail.
    Liar Liar, Pants on Fire
    Liars can be the hair in your biscuit. J.J. Newberry was a trained federal agent, skilled in the art of deception detection. So when a witness to a shooting sat in front of him and tried to tell him that when she heard gunshots she didn’t look, she just ran, he could tell she was lying. How did Newberry reach this conclusion? By recognizing telltale signs that a person isn’t being honest, like inconsistencies in a story, behavior that is different from a person’s norm, or too much detail in an explanation. In this case, her described behavior didn’t match what people typically do when a sound startles them. From birth, individuals with normal hearing will react by immediately turning in the direction of the sound.
    While using these signs to catch a liar takes extensive training and practice, it’s no longer only for authorities like Newberry. Now you can become good at identifying dishonesty, and it’s not as hard as you might think. Here are 10 tips.
    LOOK FOR INCONSISTENCIES
    Listen for inconsistencies in what people are saying. This means you have to really hear their message. Newberry was questioning a woman who said she ran and hid after hearing gunshots—without looking—and Newberry saw the inconsistency immediately.
    “There was something that just didn’t fit,” says Newberry. “She heard gunshots, but she didn’t look? I knew that was inconsistent with how a person would respond to a situation like that.” So, when she wasn’t paying attention, he banged on the table. She looked right at him. “When a person hears a noise, it’s a natural reaction to look toward it,” Newberry said. “I knew she heard those gunshots, looked in the direction from which they came, saw the shooter, and then ran.” Sure enough, he was right.
    He knew her story was illogical. You need to look for inconsistencies if you think someone is not being truthful. Is there anything that just doesn’t fit? The key here is to pay attention to what they are saying rather than trying to figure out what you will say next. (More on listening in Chapter 11, “Listen Up!”)
    ASK THE UNEXPECTED
    Did you know that approximately 4 percent of people are accomplished liars? To catch them, you have to be more clever than they are. What would be great is to have a lie-o-meter or a Pinocchio-reader ring. Since neither