Torn Read Free

bathroom door slammed.
    “Must be big,” Bret commented and took her seat. “How was your day, Jesse?”
    “Fine.” He shrugged. “Hot. Too hot for May. Did I ever tell you how much I hate Wal-Mart ? ”
    Curiously, Bret looked at him. It was a well-known fact that Jesse wasn’t always the brightest bulb in the bunch; it wasn’t uncommon for him to say things that didn’t make sense, and it was evident by the look on Bret’s face that Jesse just uttered one of those things. “Wal-Mart?” Bret asked. “Why were you at Wal-Mart today?”
    “I wasn’t.”
    “But you said it was too hot and it made you hate Wal-Mart.”
    “ My crew is by the brand new Wal-Mart. Where do you think the traffic was going? Made it impossible. Wal-Mart.”
    “Anyhow . …” Bret folded her hands and perked up with excitement. “Wait until you hear. …”
    “Check this out.” Luke barreled into the dining room. “Oh, sorry, were you talking, Mom?”
    “Yes.” She nodded. “But go on, tell yours first. Something really weird happened to me and Casper today.”
    “No, mine’s cooler,” Luke said. “Go on.”
    “No way,” Bret argued.
    Andi, the other daughter, spoke up. “I had a weird thing happen. Can I tell?”
    Everyone looked at her.
    So sweet, so fragile, she consumed her food as she spoke nonchalantly. “Mrs. Rogers was showing me Buster’s poop diaper and it had a roach in it.”
    Everybody grunted with disgust.
    Casper dropped her fork. “Thank you for that.”
    Andi shrugged. “Sorry.”
    Luke was bursting and couldn’t wait. “Ok, here is mine. Check this out. We see flies, right. Tons and tons of them , me and Ray. So, being the inquiring boys that we are, we went to this garbage can. Thinking, okay , maggots.”
    Casper groaned.
    Luke continued, “So we look insi de, and there’s this giant rat. It’s like eating this bird that’s still alive.”
    “What did you do?” Bret asked.
    “Well, Ray went and go t h is BB gun. He sa id to me, d ude, you’re the better shot, you do it. S o I aim, right. Pow. I shoot. I miss.”
    “Then what?” Bret inquired.
    Lu ke shrugged. “The BB ricocheted, flew up and nailed Ray in the head. We had to take him home. When we went back the rat was gone. Bird was there. Dead though. It was the coolest thing. It was my first real rat outside a pet store.”
    Bret paused, smiled politely, and then gained enthusiasm to tell her story. She told of how she and Casper, within the course of two hours, fought three t imes against a phenomenal number of ants.
    “It’s true,” Casper said. “You should have seen how many.”
    “I called the police.” Bret said.
    Jesse laughed. “You what? You called the police.”
    “Oh, yeah. It was freaky. It was scary, Jesse. We have like, this infestation of gigantic proportions right outside our house.”
    “And what did the police say?” he asked.
    “They told me to call an exterminator. I did. Exterminator said it was borough property so it’s the borough’s responsibility. I called the borough but they blew me off.”
    “So would I.” Jesse shook his head “You called because of ants.”
    “Jesse, I’m serious. You sh ould have seen how many there were . I swear to God there has to be the world’s biggest colony living under our sidewalk.”
    “Bret, you know how ridiculous that sounds. It’s May. And you tend to exaggerate. …”
    Casper gasped. “My mother is not lying. I saw it. We took pictures. Quit being rude to her.”
    “Oh!” Bret snapped my finger. “We did. We took pictures.” She nodded in a ‘so there’ manner. “Jesse, we have to do something. We ha ve to. There’s a gazillion ants. …”
    “A gazillion?” Jesse snickered.
    For sarcastic clarification, Casper said, “Yes, that’s a big word, I know. But it means more than a million.”
    Jesse looked at her. “Where is that attitude coming from? God. I know what it means. But I think that’s a bit much. Bret, there weren’t that