The Stonecutter Read Free Page A

toward the little bundle of joy. Of course it was mentioned, but only in passing, that you would probably be more exhausted than you’d ever been in your life. But even that was shrouded in a romantic halo, and all part of the wondrous package of motherhood.
    Bullshit! was Erica’s honest assessment after two months as a mother. Lies, propaganda, utter crap! She had never in her entire life felt so miserable, tired, angry, frustrated, and worn out as she had since Maja arrived. And she certainly hadn’t experienced any all-consuming love when the red, shrieking, and yes, ugly bundle was placed on her breast. Even though maternal feelings were creeping in ever so slowly, it still felt as though a stranger had invaded their home. Sometimes she almost regretted their decision to have a child. She and Patrik had been getting along so well, just the two of them, until their all-too-human selfishness combined with a desire to see their own excellent genes reproduced. In one stroke they had changed their lives, and she was reduced to a round-the-clock milk machine.
    How such a little baby could be so ravenous was beyond her comprehension. Maja was constantly clinging to Erica’s breasts, which were twice the size they should be and swollen with milk. These days she felt like she was just two huge walking breasts. Nor was her figure in general anything to cheer about. When she came home from the maternity hospital, she still looked very pregnant, and the pounds were not dropping away as fast as she hoped. Her only consolation was that Patrik had also eaten like a horse when she was pregnant, and now he too was carrying a few extra pounds.
    Thank goodness the pain was almost gone by now, but she still felt sweaty, bloated, and generally lousy. Her legs had not seen a razor in several months, and she was in desperate need of a haircut and maybe some highlights. Erica briefly abandoned herself to that fantasy, but then reality took over. How the hell could she get out of the house to do that? Oh, how she envied Patrik. For at least eight hours every day he was released into the real world, the world of grownups. Nowadays her only company was Ricki Lake and Oprah Winfrey, as she listlessly zapped the remote while Maja sucked and sucked.
    Patrik assured Erica that he would rather stay home with her and Maja than go to work, but she could see in his eyes that what he really felt was relief at being able to escape for a while. She sympathized, but couldn’t help feeling bitter. Why did she have to bear such a heavy load when the baby had been a mutual decision and should have been a mutual project? Shouldn’t he carry an equal share of the burden?
    So every day she kept close tabs on the time he had promised to come home. If he was even five minutes late she would be consumed by annoyance, and any later meant he could expect a real onslaught of fury. As soon as he came in the door she would dump Maja into his arms, if his arrival coincided with one of the rare breaks in her breastfeeding schedule. Erica would then fall into bed wearing earplugs, just for a few moments away from the shrieks of the baby.
    Erica sighed as she sat holding the phone in her hand. Everything seemed so hopeless. But her chats with her friend were a welcome break in the gloom. As the mother of two kids, Charlotte was a steady rock to lean on, and full of calm assurances. Secretly, too, Erica had to admit that it was nice to listen to someone else’s hardships instead of focusing on her own.
    Of course, there was another source of concern in Erica’s life—Anna. She had only talked to her sister a few times since Maja was born, but even in these few calls she felt that something was off. Anna sounded subdued and distant on the phone, even as she claimed that everything was fine. And Erica was so wrapped up in her own misery that she hadn’t pressed her sister for more information. But something was wrong, she was sure of that, and as soon as she was stronger